my dear baby

22nd feb,thus,4.20 pm

15 days to go. this coming 15 days is going to be the day of the worst memory cum a nightmare for me,obviously. i lost my only little brother on that date.

last nite, he came to my mind. his smiles,his acts,his laughs .. everything..every single thing. too much moments since the day he was born till the day he leaved us forever. i keep thinking how bad i treated him when he refused to eat,when he still awake on 5 am in the morning etc. yes...im a bad sister.. but no matter what i still love him more than myself. he's my only hero. when ive got problem,he's gonna be a listener. eventho he cant talk,he cant eat by himself,he cant go to toilet alone,all he can do was just lying on the bed,waiting for us to serve him...and just cried if the pain came over..again...he was just like a baby.. and he is our baby...a 16 years old baby..but he's a tough baby...he suffer with his pain for 16 years..still play in my mind how hard for him to carry his pain...he was not screaming...he was not yelling...just the drop of his tears from his innocent eyes shows me he's in a big suffer..i wish i could help him...but i just cant...im sorry sayang...



its been 2 years now but seems like yesterday i looked at his pale face lied and not breathing at all. my god! i feel like this world turn upside down. my tears just like refuse to stop.flowing and dropping like no end. and cant take it. i lost my only hero. i lost my only listener when i need someone to talk. i lost u!


i miss u so much, abang..i know u r in a beautiful place up there. u have no sin at all. u r an angel..u r happy with your new life now. i knew it and ill never stop pray for your happiness..i really love u so much!














*al fatihah to my late brother helmy nashreeq (23/9/89 - 9/3/05)*

*shut down*