kebodohan yang terlampau

ive attended this one interview today. an admin exec position (i know its so different from the course that i studied but what to do,ive no luck in graphic job.....yet).
located in jalan p.ramlee,i went to menara TA One and the office is in 29th floor.
fill up the form and wait for the interviewer to shout out my name.
yes,its my turn.with full of confident im walking into the room.


interviewer: hi,how are u?
me: great. (dengan senyuman ala2 mesra la konon)
interviewer: have a seat..
me: thank u so much (biasela tu..bodek)
her: can i have your original i/c plz
me: ok.
her: so describe to me a bit about your background.
me: (dengan muke penuh sejuta keyakinan yg tidak ikhlas) ok.im helda.im 25 this year.i live at cheras.ive 4 siblings.i just finish my studies in computer graphic course and the graduation day will be in december.
her: ok.why u apply this position?bcoz its different from what uve studied.
me: ive attend a few graphic interviews before but i still got not luck for that job.then i notice why dont i try something different from what i want.at least it might be help me to earn more knowledge.
her: ok.can u tell me how far u want to be if u got this job?
me: as far as i could.coz ive my own vision and aim.and i wont stop until im achieve the highest level.

and so on and so on..everything's going so well and im excited coz ive answer it...quite well..uhuh..and suddenly the disaster's come.she shoot me this two question...

her: what do u think about our company?
me: well i love this company...cozzy and the environment makes me feel comfortable...err...actually what business is this company run? (dushhhh....somebody plz knock my head for being such a dumber)
her: (with a "laughing in her heart" smile) we are financial services.bla bla bla...(i didnt even care what the hell she talking about.all that i think is ive to ready to wave to this job coz it will fly away from me..deym!)
me: owh...ok...:D
and the second "die" question...
her: what do u think about financial in malaysia?
me: (double dush!!...or maybe tripple)..erm...well...its getting better now.even got a few problems,our financial is still under control.

silent..

and she was looking at me expecting for more answers...

all i have to do is....smile...

me: er...thats all..sorry ive got a mental block.heheh..(cancel the knocking...replace it with shooting me with the machine gun pls...suddenly i feel like wanna run out and jump from that 29th floor)
her: its okey..(well she's a nice person).your job is bla bla bla...start at 8.30-5.30,mon-fri..bla bla bla...any question?
me: (with a cipan's face)erm..i think..no!.. (actually yes..do i get this job??)
her: ok then.if u success in this interview,we will call u within one to two weeks from now ok?u dont mind to start anytime?
me: yeah sure.anytime.
her: ok then.its nice to meet u.
me: yeah nice to meet u too.bye
her: bye



and i walk away...slowly...
:sigh:

a hectic lovelife

19/09/2007
the most unforgetable moment for my entire life...
the smses and the evening moment were the biggest mistakes u ever done..
u're hurting me by all those lies...really hurt....
u leaved me the deepest scar...u're ruin everything that ive dream of..
u let somebody took over my place even i still alive..
my frustrated to u as much as my tears that falled down cried for what uve done to me..uncountable..
what did i done wrong?a billion question marks keep haunting me every each second..
well...i take it as the most worst memory..i will give u another chance but the last chance..
and u can take this as a warning from a girl who love u "if u feel like ready to losing me,then do it again...just once and bye2"
u played with a heart who trust ur promises..
and once again u promised me...but i will take it....again....
maybe this thing will help us to learn a lot of things...
more appreciate each other...realise that we need each other...and make u more mature....hopefully...
life isnt great if we just have the best one and life isnt perfect if we dont face the worst one...its what we called experience...to share among family,friends,children,grandchildren and whoever need it..
here a list of what i hope and wish..
-u r old enuf to know what is right and what is wrong
-now is not a time to play around...its time for future life..
-think twice before u wanna do something
-think of what will happen in future not just for a present day.sometimes its good to think negatively
-be more sensitive of my feeling
-please dont break my heart once again
-please rebuild back our love but this time make sure it wont collapse again
-please bring back my smile and happiness that i used to have it one time before...i really miss that moment
-please change your car seat...im serious...
-make your promises are true for this one last time
-think of my feeling
-think of my feeling
-think of my feeling
i dont ask for more....just fullfill my hope and wish...its more than enuf..
lets pray together...
lets erase the past and start a new story...
once again...im down on my knees and begging u...please...dont hurt me again...i just cant stand it anymore...PLEASE....

for the last and final chance...
for our love...
for our future...
for our dreams...


p/s: cerita terperinci terpaksa dirahsiakan.dont bother to ask me the details bcoz i will tell u nothing...;)

a little story about a little girl

SEPT 7TH,FRI,9.30 A.M

On may 2007, a diamond has born in our family. when we talk about diamond, the things that come out through our mind is valuable, precious, wonderful and sooo special. but now im talking about this little princess named nique d'yana.

Lets be more relax...

Princess kiteorang ni lahir on may 28th. and since that day kiteorang rase macam lain macam. maybe sebab dah lame tak dgr baby nangis so bile dgr baby nangis jadi gile sebab kehappyan.

Umur sebulan die dah start pandang-pandang orang. kire macam sessi berkenalan dengan orang barulah. satu habit die ni...suke pandang orang lepas tu buat muke konfius (berkerut kening dan moncongkan mulut..cube korang try buat...)

dah masuk dua bulan pulak dah pandai gelak2 bile kena agah pastu dah sibuk nak angkat kepala konon2 terer sgt la tu boleh bgn sendiri.tapi sikap malas tetap tersemat di dalam hati.

skang ni dah 3 bulan lebih dah...aktiviti perkembangan minda pun semakin memberangsangkan. dan pandai naik walker, dah pandai meniarap, dah pandai nak suh bawak jalan2 bile duk umah nanges bile keluar trus bising mulut bercakap bahasa pingu pingu die tu pastu dah pandai tengok cermin n berborak dengan her own reflection,dah pandai gelak besar and lastly dah pandai tengok kartun dekat astro ceria or cartoon network.takde cartoon,tanak abiskan susu...haih budak2 zaman skrang...

yang pasti memang bes melihat seorang baby membesar di depan mata sendiri. its something that undescribable.cubelah!

*special dedication to our little princess who always cherish our day,we love u!*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

30th june,sat

HAPPY 25TH BIRTHDAY DAY TO ME!!

first of all, i would like to say the biggest thank to ALLAH for giving me life,strength,happiness,sadness etc for 25 years that makes me learn about the real life.

secondly to my love for being the first person who give me the birthday wish, that beautiful GUESS watch and for the best treatment that makes me feel like im the princess of the day. I haven't celebrate my birthday for almost the whole life but you've make me feel the real birthday that i've always dream of for quite a long time. You've fullfill my wish and big thanx for that,honey. I love you so much and forever and that's gonna be the unforgetable memory for me..ever.

thirdly for my stupid sister. Lucky for u coz remember my birthday,or else that 7th august will never exist in my calendar. Im still waiting for my present. Takkan wish je kot.

fourthly for the bestest cousin ever, Chie. Eventho u're at Kedah but u're never forgot my birthday and that was more meaningful than giving a present. I just hope u'll always pray for happiness forever coz just u know the secret of my life and a good and bad things that happen to me for this 25 years. remember always,dear,my love for u will never stop even we already have our own family. Our childhood memories will always be save in my heart forever.

fifthly for ampang buddies ( din,dek wan, afiq and ati{thanx a lot for that awesome LEVI'S shirt. I really love it and i mean it. Thanx a lot for both of u} , capang a.k.a i-z {uehueheu i-z sesangat} and eja) for all the wishes. I really really appreciate it.

sixthly to Diera. Thanx alot eventho we havent meet for almost a year,but u still remember my day. And your wish really mean to me. Thanx coz still remember me.

seventhly to Fara. well u're late coz its already 1st July but its ok. At least u remember it eventho im quite dissapointed at first. Thanx again girl.

and last but not least to all malay and indo friends ( didie,kiki,aissa,sofea,angie and FFAD,Uthie,monyet,Jimmy and Boodee)who gave me wish through myspace. Thanx a billion for spend your time to send me those sweet comments. I dont ask for any present just pray for my good life in future is more than enough.


*SPECIAL THANX TO MY LOVELY PARENTS,IBU AND AYAH FOR THE WISHES. THANX A LOT FOR THE BEST CARE SINCE THE DAY I WAS BORN TILL NOW. YOUR LOVE, CARE, SACRIFICE, SPENDING MONEY ETC WILL STICK IN MY HEART AND OF COURSE I CAN'T PAY IT BACK EVEN FOR A THOUSAND YEARS BUT I KNOW GOD WILL. A LOT OF PROBLEMS YOU'VE FACE RECENTLY BUT YOU'RE NEVER GIVE UP AND ALWAYS DID SOMETHING TO CHERISH YOUR KIDS AND THAT'S REALLY TOUCHING MY HEART. IT MAKES ME THINK HOW LUCKY FOR US FOR HAVING YOU AS OUR PARENTS. NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE AROUND US SAY ABOUT YOU BUT FOR ME YOU WILL ALWAYS THE BESTEST PARENTS FOR THE WHOLE LIFE AND JUST US KNOW THAT.I PROMISE I'LL BE A GOOD DAUGHTER AND U CAN COUNT ON ME. YOU WILL BE PROUD OF ME.I PROMISE!ANYWAY CONGRATULATIONS FOR YOUR FIRST GRAND DAUGHTER. :)

* THANX A LOT TO U GUYS. IM 25TH NOW AND I HOPE I STILL CAN CELEBRATE MY 75TH BIRTHDAY SOON. YOU'VE MAKE ME FEEL LIKE 30TH JUNE IS REALLY MY DAY... MY BEAUTIFUL DAY. THANX AGAIN!




love,
helda


*shut down*

hip hop mode

3rd april,tue,12.46 a.m

just back from mid valley.going for STOMP THE YARD movie.gosshhh....the movie was like wow! i mean its a quite simple movie but i feel like wanna dance as well and i bet everybody was like be in the scene,being part of the crowd during their competition coz not just people in the scene give their big applause but some of them in the cinema applause for the competitor a.k.a the hero as well. yes,its quite fun.suits for anybody who loves simple but fun movie.











*shut down*

did i make a right decision ?

23rd march,fri,4.18 pm

* drawings !! assignments !! midterm exam !!

duh!!!!!




i have to choose between nidji's show or the most boring subject,malaysian studies xam (that i have to cover from chapter 1 - 6 and dont be suprise if suddenly helda be a bit crazy or maybe she'll becoming a politician in a future..uehueheuhe..bungok)

and i'd choose be a politician a.k.a concentrate for my xam and do some revision. enjoy to fara and im sorry i cant join u. *i bet she's gonna have fun there*

okla nak baca buku...wish me best luck for tomorrow guys...









*alaaaaaaaaa nak tgk nidji!!! @!#*%@& !!!..*


*shut down*

real love

28th feb,wed,9.54 pm

we had an argument again.he said im too control,am i? i let him hanging out with his friends, am i control him? i let him going to the gigs,am i control him? i let him meet up his friends eventho he already promised me for lunch, am i control him? yes,maybe i am..for him. his friends keep talking behind me about my "queen-control" attitude. they said since he with me,he had no time for friends,no time for lepakking, no time for anything...24/7 just with me..am i control him? i dont even care about what they think coz i thought u r in my side.i thought u know im not that type of person. i thought u know we are happy with each other. but i was wrong.im so wrong. u r just like them. and i just knew about it. u just told me so and all the things u told me just like what they said about me. gosh! now i realise im standing all alone fight for myself deny all the things...alone.

" u r just like my xgf and i hate her!"

what is that suppose to mean?
it hurts me.the statement really hurts me.and he kept saying it several times.

from now on,ill release u. u can go where ever and what ever u want.
if that could makes everything fine for u then ill do.i just can cross my finger and hope u didnt do the same thing as before again. i play with my heart and feeling.
that's love. love could change everything.

he gave me massari's song and im so in love with that song now just like im in love with him.

Real Love

Girl, girl I'm goin' outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin' outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby girl I want you to know
I'm watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about

Baby I was there all along
When you'd be doing things I would watch you
I picture you and me all alone
I'm wishing you was someone I can talk to
I gotta get you out of my head
But baby girl I gotta see you once again, again
It's real love that you don't know about

Girl, girl I'm goin' outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin' outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby girl I want you to know
I"m watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about

Every night when I would go to sleep
I couldn't stop dreaming about you
Your love has got me feeling kinda weak
I really can't see me without you
And now you're runnin' round in my head
I'm never gonna let you slip away again
It's real love that you don't know about

Every now and then when I watch you
I wish that I could tell you that I want you
If I could have the chance to talk wit cha
If I could have the chance to walk wit cha
Then I would stop holding it in
And never have to go through this again, again
It's real love that you don't know about

Girl, girl I'm goin' outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin' outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby girl I want you to know
I"m watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about

Today when I saw you alone
I knew I had to come up and approach you
Cuz girl I really gotta let you know
All about the things you made me go through
And now she lookin' at me in the eye
And now you got me hopin' I ain't dreamin' again,

Again
It's real love that you don't know about

Every now and then when I watch you
I wish that I could tell you that I want you
If I could have the chance to talk wit cha
If I could have the chance to walk wit cha
Then I would stop holding it in
And never have to go through this again, again
It's real love that you don't know about

Girl, girl I'm goin' outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin' outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby girl I want you to know
I"m watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about

You're the one that I want and no one can take

It from me
No, no, no, no, no
Even though I don't really know you
I got a lot of love I wanna show you
And you'd be right there in front of me
I can see you passin' in front of me
No, no, no
Girl I need your love
Baby I need your love

*and at this hour he's still out there hanging out with his friends...all i have to do is calm down and calm down...and say to myself,i will get use to it...i will..hopefully...amin*

*and i hope he had fun with his friends and i still having my boring nite alone in front of this pc doing nothing and waiting for him to get back home and accompany me....and ill keep waiting....*

*shut down*

my dear baby

22nd feb,thus,4.20 pm

15 days to go. this coming 15 days is going to be the day of the worst memory cum a nightmare for me,obviously. i lost my only little brother on that date.

last nite, he came to my mind. his smiles,his acts,his laughs .. everything..every single thing. too much moments since the day he was born till the day he leaved us forever. i keep thinking how bad i treated him when he refused to eat,when he still awake on 5 am in the morning etc. yes...im a bad sister.. but no matter what i still love him more than myself. he's my only hero. when ive got problem,he's gonna be a listener. eventho he cant talk,he cant eat by himself,he cant go to toilet alone,all he can do was just lying on the bed,waiting for us to serve him...and just cried if the pain came over..again...he was just like a baby.. and he is our baby...a 16 years old baby..but he's a tough baby...he suffer with his pain for 16 years..still play in my mind how hard for him to carry his pain...he was not screaming...he was not yelling...just the drop of his tears from his innocent eyes shows me he's in a big suffer..i wish i could help him...but i just cant...im sorry sayang...



its been 2 years now but seems like yesterday i looked at his pale face lied and not breathing at all. my god! i feel like this world turn upside down. my tears just like refuse to stop.flowing and dropping like no end. and cant take it. i lost my only hero. i lost my only listener when i need someone to talk. i lost u!


i miss u so much, abang..i know u r in a beautiful place up there. u have no sin at all. u r an angel..u r happy with your new life now. i knew it and ill never stop pray for your happiness..i really love u so much!














*al fatihah to my late brother helmy nashreeq (23/9/89 - 9/3/05)*

*shut down*

attention!

- ga bisa ngeblog buat seketika. lagi sibuk nyiapin tugasan. sebel banget tau gak. udah ah. daaaaaaaaaa * asik deh kalau ada yang mijitin gwe. cape nih* SELAMAT MALAM MALAYSIA! -

*shut down*

selamat tahun baru cina buat orang cina

18th feb,sun,8.54 p.m

SELAMAT TAHUN BARU CINA!!

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!

GONG XI FA CHAI!!

*eceh aku pulak yang semangat*

*indo mode-on*

hari libur begini seharusnya dinikmati sepuasnya *sebenarnya sih buat gwe "everyday is holiday".iya deh namanya juga anak kuliah*. gwe terjaga dari bobo yang sangat indah *tidurnya juga udah jam setengah 8 pagi* karna gwe nerima emergency call yang mengharuskan gwe ke RS buat ngelawat seseorang. gwe sebenarnya sih masih ngantuk tapi
ya deh,namanya juga anak melayu. anak melayu harus punya sikap berbudi bahasa jadi gwe terusin juga niat murni gwe tu *narsis banget sih dan buat mbak fara, maafin gwe ya ga bisa nemenin loe lunch, situasi ga begitu mengijinkan*.

hari ini gwe harus mula buka buku dan mula siapin tugasan gwe *kalau ga hari ini,gwe gak tau dekad ke brapa gwe bakal mulainnya*soalnya ntar rabu gwe harus ngumpul tugasan ini ke dosen *tapi gwe kok malas banget ya..ntar aja deh selesai nonton gangstarz..ahaks*. gwe baru dapat berita, gwe ama ade' gwe dibutuhkan oleh teman2 photographer gwe. ya apa lagi kalau bukan dijadiin model buat foto2an. tapi gwe ga bisa. soalnya gwe mau nonton jam sebelasan ntar. maaf banget dari gwe buat kalian. tapi kalau ade' gwe bisa wakilin gwe, ya udah silahkan. tapi jangan macem-macem ama dia ya. ntar gwe bakar kamera kesayangan kalian *peace*. udah ah. gwe pamit dulu. pengen nonton gangstarz sekalian makan malam. laper banget soalnya. *yeaaaaa...ghost rider...here i come*


*shut down*

owh saturday night

17th feb,sat,... p.m

GHOST RIDER SOLD OUT!!!!....BENCINYE!!!! punyalah semangat nak pegi tengok sebab laungan orang-orang yang dah pegi tengok mengatakan best last-last full house. damn! tapi kiteorang dah beli tiket untuk esoknya. *har har har padan muka orang yang lambat beli tiket* so dah selamat lah dekat situ. and we end up our saturday nite life towards danau kota. bosan gile! tapi takpelah at least we're going out on saturday nite. actually aku dah start malas nak keluar malam minggu ni but then when i look out through my balcony and i found out like everybody going everywhere and anywhere on saturday nite, with no reason i felt jealous *what a stupid me*. sebab tu lah paksa diri jugak keluar malam minggu. nak hilangkan jeles je.uehuehuehue. *ok not funny*.






*shut down*

wujudkah penyesalan dalam diri manusia?

16th feb,fri,1.52 pm

malam tadi aku tak dapat tidur. baru je nak bukak pintu untuk masuk ke alam mimpi,aku diganggu dengan memori *memori ke?* atau lebih kepada kenangan pahit yang macam baru je jadik. aku tiba-tiba teringat akan kejadian di mana kawan makan kawan ataupun harapkan pagar,pagar makan padi. ntahlah aku tak tau perumpamaan mana yang sesuai digunakan. pokoknya kejadian di mana orang yang aku percaya dan sayang telah membuat "taik" pada keluargaku dan diriku sendiri. berkumandang di kotak fikiran aku bagaimana ia terjadi dan aku masih tertanya-tanya kenapa ia harus terjadi. itulah namanya manusia. sekuat mana pun seseorang itu,akan kalah mereka kepada sesuatu yang bernama "duit". duit semakin menguasai manusia. dan juga, ia mengajar aku banyak pekara. antaranya, tidak semestinya walaupun mempunyai pendidikan agama yang kuat,diberi didikan agama dari sekecil pokok nenas hingga ke setinggi pokok kelapa, dihantar jauh sehingga ke al-azhar, akan memberikan hasil yang baik. tidak semestinya memakai tudung bertutup litup, bergaya ala tudung wardina atau bertutup kepala ala-ala perempuan melayu terakhir, yang sering dijadikan sebagai contoh kepada golongan yang tidak bertudung, akan mempunyai keperibadian yang baik. zaman sekarang, aku rasa tidak wujud lagi garisan perbedaan antara bertudung dengan yang togel kepalanya. its all about inner. secantik manapun di luar walaupun seperti bidadari kayangan sekali pun, kalau dalamannya sebusuk bangkai, tak guna jugak. tidaklah aku maksudkan diri aku seorang dewi tapi aku masih tau buruk dan baik. walaupun tidak dihantar ke sekolah agama setiap petang, tapi pendidikan agama oleh keluargaku dan di sekolah kebangsaan dan menengah sudah cukup bagi aku menjadi seorang yang bernama manusia. tapi takpelah. mungkin kejadian itu dapat mengajar dan menyedarkan si polan. lumrah manusia. tak terkena,tak sedar. dah kena baru nak menyesal seumur hidup *itupun kalau nak menyesal*. tapi alhamdullilah aku tengok wujud penyesalan kepada si polan. baguslah. untuk masa depannya juga. sebab itulah ALLAH sentiasa membuka peluang bagi hambanya yang benar-benar menyesal.dan aku masih menerimanya sebagai seorang sahabat. sebab aku dah tanamkan dalam diri aku perkataan orang putih ini,"ill always forgive but ill never forget". dan aku sentiasa mendoakan kebahagian dan kejayaan rakan-rakan aku. almaklumla kawan-kawan aku boleh dikira pakai jari tangan jer. hehehe...aminnnnn...

aku tulis awal blog ni sebab aku takut tak sempat nak tulis malam karang. malam karang aku ada date.hehehe.pegi tengok "ghost rider". tengok preview macam best jer. oklah jumpa lagi esok.


*dont judge a book by its cover*

amaran dari kerajaan malaysia : benda di atas tidaklah dimaksudkan untuk semua. hanya segelintir aja yang begitu. tak semua orang pakai tudung itu bermasalah DAN tidak semua orang yang tak pakai tudung itu jahat.sekian.



pesanan buat fara : cepatla kawin.lepas tu aku pulak nak kawin. nanti cakap langkah bendul pulak.uehueheu

*shut down*

wahai khamis

15th feb,thu,9.40 pm

hari ni memang takde kelas,so aku bangun lambat skit. aku mulakan hari dengan tengok tv. ueheuehue..malas gila hari ni. dia tidur rumah aku sebab die mc hari ni. tapi kiteorg agak malas untuk keluar so just spend time dekat rumah jerlah. mula-mula cuaca panas di tahap air mendidih tapi tetiba langit jadi murung lalu awan pun menangis *halah halah,puitisnya bahasa*. dalam pukul 5 petang dia pun balik rumah dia. aku pon sambung tido.ueheuehuehe. habis tu nak buat ape kan? cuaca sangat memalaskan diriku yang sudah sememangnya malas.bangun pukul 8 lebih malam di saat buletin utama tengah berkumandang dekat dlm tv *hambek ko*. aku pon bangun pastu terus mandi pastu online *bosan la pulak cerita aku hari ni*. kesimpulannya aku tak buat apa-apa hari ni. tapi aku tengah bengang ni.dia baru dapat henfon baru.henfon impian dia yang konon-konon dia cakap nak pakai sampai mati. NOKIA N80. sebok bercerita pasal henfon baru jer. aku pon agak panaskan *sambil menanam impian akan membeli hp lagi bes bila dah keje.aminnnn!!*.pastu aku pun mengsound die lalu baru dia sedar *cis aku ingat die saje kenakan aku rupenye die memang tgh taksub dengan menatang baru tuh*. tapi takdela gaduh. aku je yang bengang skit. biasalah name pun orang melayu. penuh hasad dengki.uehuehuehe.

aku dapat sms hari ni dari cousin. mengadu pasal masalah yang dicari sendiri. dia couple dengan satu mamat ni dah 2 tahun pastu baru-baru ni dia couple dengan mamat lain *dedua made in indonesia..tapi bukanlah pendatang..dieorang memang dekat indonesia* pastu dipendekkan cerita hubungan dengan lelaki yang baru ni telah diketahui oleh lelaki yang dah couple 2 tahun tu lalu lelaki yang dah couple 2 tahun tu pon mengamuk dan memutuskan hubungan.aku gelakkan jerlah dia sambil cakap dekat dia padan muka *with capital p,a,d,a,n,m,u,k and a*.pastu aku cakap dengan dia ala takyah pening-pening. kau jauh,dieorang takkan datang malaysia cari kau *ok ke nasihat aku tuh??*.takpela setiap orang ade perangai masing-masing.maybe dia macam tu sebab nak fill up diri dia dengan something yang fun sebelum kawin bulan 1 depan. whatever it is,i will always love u my dear cousin and ill always be by your side everytime u need me. sedihnya dia dah nak kawin padahal teringat lagi 10 tahun lepas kiteorang same-same tak tidur malam raya pastu buat aktiviti bodoh kiteorang,menyanyi lagu "petani turun ke sawah" sambil menari. ive got a billion sweet memories with her :( *dialah cousin aku cum bestest friend cum lover cum everything*.

her and me

her

tadi aku tengok mini konsert sejenak bersama COKELAT dekat astro prima. haih...tersangat best even just for half an hour. semua lagu-lagu yang best-best dan aku pun singalong la. tengah nyanyi-nyanyi tetiba je jadik sebak. aku pun tak tau kenapa. maybe ini masalah orang yang berjiwa sensitif kot.hehehehe. bilalah agaknya COKELAT nak buat konsert lagi dekat malaysia. *COKELAT and GIGI are among my most favourite band ever*


*shut down*

perang saudara

14th feb,wed,10.59 pm

aku skip pegi kelas lagi hari ni sebab nak teman dia pegi ambik mc die *janganla marah ai*. tapi kiteorg mulakan hari dengan gaduh. deym!aku tau la dia demam,tapi janganlah ambik kesempatan. aritu masa aku demam, dia buat bolayan *lame tak gune perkataan tuh* je dekat aku. aku agak kecik hati jugaklah tapi malas nak bagitau dia takut gaduh. sebab aku tau kalau aku bagitau mesti gaduh punya. dia tak boleh terima punya. so dipendekkan cerita aku pon teman dia pegi klinik panel dia dekat ampang. tapi sebelum tu pegi bayar duit kereta dia dulu. jap lagi boleh pulak klinik tu tutup pukul 1 pm pastu bukak balik pukul 4 pm. 1st time aku tengok klinik macam tu.kiteorang pun pegi rumah kawan dia sementara nak tunggu pukul 4.and everything is settle. masa otw balik ada something yang buat kiteorang gaduh. bendanya kecik aja. *biarlah rahsia bak kata kak siti*. terus jadi gaduh. agak besar jugak la. biarlah benda tu jadi hal peribadi kami. takkan hal rumahtangga pon nak cerita dekat orang kan? tak gitu cik kiah? but semuanya dah ok. biasalah adat rumah tangga *im not married yet*. so hari ni pasal tu jerlah. ada hikmah la jugak gaduh tuh. kiteorang jadi lebih mesra *bak kata bob af*. yerlah..tak gaduh kita tak tau apa salah kita kan.*tapi sebenarnya boleh diskas elok-elok,tapi disebabkan penyakit keturunan baran yang tak dapat dikawal tuh,gaduh la*. but ill get use to it thats because i love him.oklah jumpe esok.

+HAPPY VALENTINE DAY TO ALL+

*shut down*

namaste to my new friends

13th feb,tue,8.27 pm

tiba-tiba aku rasa macam nak buat blog jugak. mula-mula aku taknak sebab aku rasa macam nak ikut-ikut orang pulak. ala macam ikut trend tu tapi aku fikir-fikir balik, buat blog ni ok jugak for a group of people like me. i mean, aku ni susah nak share something...erm..almost everything dengan orang. i prefer be a listener instead of a talker. mungkin sebab tu la aku agak pendiam orangnya. but the fact is, in the deepest part of my heart ada 1001 cerita yang aku simpan. takpelah biarlah aku simpan. sometimes all those stories could give me a lot of experiences. ive learn a lot from it. so kadang kadang tak salah menjadi seorang yang kepoh dalam diam. *smile*. aku rasa biarlah statement dekat atas ni sebagai briefing serba sikit pasal diri aku.

hari ni takda apa yang menarik. as usual i skipped my advertising campaign class....again...*peace*. bukan saje nak skip tapi kalau datang 5 minit just untuk tunjuk artwork jer baik aku tido dekat rumah kan? ke macamane? aku sebenarnya baru baik demam. ni pon ade serba sedikit saki baki kahak yang tinggal. cough and flu. satu combination yang sangat hebat bagi membuatkan mangsanya mengalami stress yang maha dasyat. lagipun sejak kebelakangan ni panas gila tahap gaban. aku tengok berita dieorg cakap bakal mengalami el nino (kalau nak tau ape itu el nino,search dekat google *promote*). so 1st day of my 1st blog *takdela 1st mane pon* takde ape yang hebat nak diceritakan sebab aku tak kuar rumah langsung satu hari ni. tengokla esok kalau ade yang menarik, aku type la dalam ni.


*shut down*

memorable vacation

1st august '06 , 10 a.m
-fara and i arrived lcct
-check-in
-had breakfast
-took-off to jakarta
-arrived jakarta's airport
-met up chie,linda,momok,pie and juno
-take a rest for a while

-go to railway station and take a ticket to bandung. its cost rp 75000
-start our journey to bandung at 4.30 p.m
-arrived bandung at around 8 p.m
-yurie was there waiting for us and we go to our hotel.(forgot the name of the road). the hotel cost rp150000 /nite.
-had some rest and went out for our dinner.
-back to hotel and sleep.
2nd august '06 , 11 a.m
-wait for rent car at the lobby
-the car arrived and we moved to puncak.
-it was quite a long journey because it took almost 4 hours.
-took our dinner at nasi padang restaurant. it cost rp234 000 for all.
-stop for a while at souvenir stalls and took some of pictures at the peak.

-it was a cold nite. we search for the cheapest villa to rent.
-at first the rental showed this beautiful and expensive villa. it cost rp500 000.
-we search for another one and at last we found it. it was not bad at all and it quite cheap though compare to the villa before. it just rp300 000.
-the night was sooooo cold. i have to covered up myself with 3 shirts and a blanket but it was a wonderful moment.

3rd august '06 , 10 a.m
-pack our stuff and get ready to get back to bandung.

-a few hours later we reached bandung and we checked in at the same hotel we went before.
-going out for shopping. we went to factory outlets, distros and other clothing shops. the goodies were so damn cheap. i bought some for myself,my family and friends.
-back to our hotel and yurie going back to his house.
-met up with chie's friends and going out for a supper.we ate roti bakar.
-sleep at 7 a.m
4th august '06 , 10 a.m
-woke up and get ready to check out
-start our journey to jakarta by the car that we rented before.
-stop for a while at distros for the last time shopping at bandung.
-around 7 p.m we arrived jakarta
-get some rest for a minute and going out again.
-had cheese bakso for a dinner. gosh!!...it was sooooooooo damnnnnn delicious.im start to miss it again..:(
-go to kemang (like bintang walk) and had some drink at this cafe.
-buy pirate mp3 and cds which is cost rp10000 for one. (3 mps,ten to five,la luna,tiket)
-going back at 4 a.m
5th august '06 , 9 a.m
-pack our back and get ready to leave indonesia.
-had lunch at mangga 2 shopping mall and bought indo movies. (realiti cinta dan rock and roll,mirror,jomblo,detik terakhir).
-go to airport and check in.
-leave indonesia


p/s: special thank you to shafix coz sent and take us at the airport. we owe u one bro...;)
the biggest thanx to our tourist guide from bandung to jakarta, yurie...we wait for u here.dont forget your promise to come to malaysia after lebaran..heheh...
thanx to pie too coz waited for us at jakarta's airport and sent us to railway station.
thanx to aki,dj okkey (u r cool and cute bro),juno's friend (forgot his name),chie's friends (funny guys),sis angie (kok kamu makin cantik ya..heheh),gita,cemongs and everybody in indonesia.
this trip is the bestest vacation.

( for more pictures -->http://s53.photobucket.com/albums/g50/hell_da/indonesia/)

attention!

dear world,
My life being so miserable nowadays. im depressed. thats the reason im desperately need a vacation. Everything's goes tumbling down. From family matter till relationship against someone called human. Too much to think. I dont know what is wrong with me. Never got what i wish. Im not asking about spend a billion dollar towards me.I just need some attention...protection...and love...not by words..eventho u give me a thousand poems but i never feel your inner love ..it will turn to crappy thing..
To be honest,im tired and sad at the same time. U said u wanna change....erm i mean..u wanna try to change...but i can see nothing is changing..do u ever notice how much i feel so bored about my love life?..I think it dont deserve to call love life tho..because none love has added in it...
And dont blame me if suddenly i feel for someone else who care about me more...because thats what i want from u..but i never get one..u know it...u know thats what i want but u didnt take any action to fullfill my wish...and one more thing...try to take others advices...dont be so selfish...its useless...get a new life dear..life with a bright future...u r not a kid anymore...
Ive made a decision...my own decision...100 percent from me..repeat...100 percent from me...
I need a rest...give me a time to think wisely...if it doesnt goes well then im sorry...
And to everybody in here...im sorry coz i have to ignore u for a while...i dont need interuption..give me a break..i need some space...no comment will be reply..but just for a moment...ill be back soon...with a new me...
Thanx a lot for everyone who cares about me..and to my dearest bro..u rock man..;P...u gonna be my brother till forever..thats my promise...(kawen jgn lupe ajak...uuehueh)
5
4
3
2
1
-im gone-

my diary

from time to time my love is getting deeper and deeper...
to him...
but he's belong to someone else...
and i just can feel that love from far...
without his notice it...
without anyone realise it...
look at his happiness is enough for me...
even its the most hurting feeling ive ever feel...
but i believe...
love someone doesnt mean u will own that someone...
and ill never stop praying for him to get the bestest life...
with her...
and from now on...
i have to avoid myself from him...
yes it is hurt...
but there's nothing else i could do...
to let go my feeling...
just if i can...
but ill try...





*wakeup helda...stop dreaming*
*face the reality of life*
*you cant have him*
*im surrender*

-big sigh-

im just a human being

hey dear,ive already forgive for what u have done before.and i still hope that our friendship will long lasting.please promise us one thing...its not for us but totally for u.please change..lets bygone be bygone...concentrate with your new lifeand please please please dont do that such thing again...if u say im just like begging u,then yes i am...think of everybody who loves u..they want the best of u..so prove it to them..make them proud..i know u can..I DARE YOU ,SWEETIE!!

question mark

Did i do wrong?Did i hurt your feeling?What makes you turn into that kind of decision?How bad i treat you?Why this thing happen?Why never you think before do?When is the last time I said I CAN'T when you ask for my help?Did you ever know how long i keep "that" secret just because im afraid it will ruin our relationship?Did you ever care how i tried to act like nothing happen but the truth is the big thing happen?Did u ever think why i still keep protecting you while everybody cant stop blaming you?DID YOU??NO U DIDN'T!!!NEVER!!!and im so dissapointed with you..i really do...not just me..but everybody who knows you and treat you like you are special someone..and you never realise it...never appreciate it...never care about it..never ever...its damn hurt..just if you know that...how could you... ...thanx for all those lying...thanx for all those "things"...thank u so much...u teach me a lot without u notice it...i may forgive u but im so so so sorry...i may not forget it...ask for a forgiveness from god...i know im not that good...i know ive never go for sekolah agama...but i still know the different between good and bad...u r not a kid...nor a teenager...u r an adult...in that age "that" thing shouldnt happen..be matured, friend..insaf lah...taubat lah...ALLAH maha pengampun...ive never drop a single tear for a friend...but congratulation for become the first one..
p/s: dedicated to a special friend cum a backstaber