hari ni....
aku dapat sebuah kotak yang berbalut ketika asyik membuat kerja di ofis.ade name aku,address office aku dgn no tepon aku.dengan penuh keraguan aku bukak.(manelah tau bom ke).
isi dalam die adelah sepasang patung cj7 yang sgt kiutnye (kaler ijau dgn pink) dgn sekuntum bunga ros tapi kelopak ros tuh candy la.aku senyum tanda terima kasih.
tapi....
aku still tak tau sape yg bagi aku sebab takde sebarang nota mahupun name pemberi disertakan...haih..benci nye...
2 more weeks.....and i will step to the next level....
im still dont believe that this will happen to me....
dah besar dah aku....i taught i still sweet 17...... ^_^
to fara and diera.....jemputla datang hari tunang aku on this coming 17th...
hahhhhh???!!!!! aku dah nak bertunang????!!!!!!.....impossible!!!!
kenape?
perkara yang kutakuti datang juga.seksa.sedangkan aku sering memuji kau,membanggakan kau,kagumi kau kepada orang-orang disekelilingku kerana kau tidak pernah membuat aku derita walau sedikit pun.tetapi semalam,kau membuktikan segala kata-kata pujianku kepada kau adalah sia-sia.aku malu......
semalam,kau telah menyeksa aku,menyakiti aku...kau buat aku terseksa....
seharian aku menyepikan diri..sendirian...cuba untuk menguatkan diriku,memberanikan diriku menempuh kesakitian yang maha dasyat,yang tidak kujangka kau lakukan kepadaku...
cuba untuk tersenyum...ingin menunjukkan kepada orang disekitarku bahawa aku baik-baik sahaja...aku kuat....aku gagah....dan walau sesakit mana pun kau buat kepadaku,akan aku tempuh...
dan....
ianya berjaya....
tapi.....
sekadar luarannya sahaja aku tampak bahagia,aku kelihatan seolah hari-hari biasa,tiada apa yang berlaku.....tapi hakikatnya...dalamanku hanya yang esa sahaja yang tahu...betapa aku terseksa....betapa aku merana...betapa aku meratap kesakitanku...dan semuanya disebabkan kau!!
but its fine with me....aku yakin semuanya akan kembali kepada keadaan asal...dan aku yakin....ianya cuma mengambil masa sehari sahaja untuk aku memikirkan kesakitan yang kau hadiahkan kepadaku....dan aku sudahpun memaafkan kau walaupun aku yakin kau akan lakukankan benda yang sama lagi nanti....aku yakin perkara yang sama akan terjadi lagi....
sebelum mengakhiri nukilanku...jutaan terima kasih kepada kau....terima kasih kerana menyeksa aku....aku tahu...kesakitan yang kau beri itu juga telah membantuku....
terima kasih sekali lagi wahai PERIODKU!..
terima kasih kerana telah membersihkan dan mengeluarkan darah-darah kotorku...
itulah istimewanya perempuan,sedangkan lelaki kena bekam untuk keluarkan darah kotor....uehuheuheuheuheuh....
Date : nov 14th
Time : 2.45 pm
Location : EON Bank HQ
Position : Customer Service Exec
Doakan kejayaan aku menempuh cabaran teh tarik ni. Takan korng tanak tgk kawan2 berjaye kan kan kan..uehueheu...doakan aku tak neves,boleh jawab semue soklan die and paling penting aku suke dgn keje ni so aku boleh stay lame lame and aku boleh cpt beli keter and aku boleh kawen cepat...uahuahauhuhuah...
aminnnnnn........
tahniah kepada aku kerana masih mengekalkan status penganggur. (jom tepuk tangan same2)..
bukanlah aku tak pernah pegi interview..penah...beside aku dah siap dtg keje dah...
antara koleksi kerja-kerja yang pernah aku lawati ;
1) ADMIN EXEC
( tapi sebenarnya seorang penjual share@currency yang dikenali sebagai forex. aku kena
datang training [1st think aku dah musykil] untuk seminggu.then die ckp kena bermusuh
dengan semue orang dlm ofis tu untuk berjaya.its like a competitor under one roof [kepala
hotaks engkoh!].aku dtg training untuk 5 hari je then lepas raya aku tak dtg untuk selama
lamanya. tapi dengar crita one of our friend dah sign contract but then right after sign
contract tuh dorg suh die cari client [which is dorg tak penah mention mase time training
tuh] and gaji hanya pada commision.minah tu pun is like tipah tertipu dan tak dtg langsung
keje tuh.dan kampeni tu keep calling her.kesian die..naseb aku dah mengambil langkah bijak
terlebih dahulu [aku ni mmg kadang2 bijak orgnye...ueheuhe]. and aku tgk skang dorg post
position lain pulak. ADMIN CONSULTANT. haih...dahla semue dlm tu ala2 baik.semuanya
bertudung and majority malay.so perhatian kepada semue pembaca2 [ade ke org baca
blog aku ni],kalau ade job vacancy from PRACTICAL SUPPORT SDN BHD,lupekan jela..)
2) ADMIN ASSISTANT
( sebenarnya lebih kepada keje receptionist di sebuah kampeni property and development
yang dimiliki oleh seorg cina berpangkat tan sri. aku mengharapkan keje admin tapi aku just
dpt keje angkat2 tepon and past dkt pekerja2 yang almost 100% berbangsa cina. dan
apabila berkerja dgn org cina, pekerja melayu akan direndahtarafkan oleh mereka [tak
semue kampeni mcm tu.harap maklum].aku selalu di marah oleh beberapa org pekerja
cina yang muke ala2 cina bukit baru naik pangkat. yelah..dieorg kenela fhm, aku baru
keje 2 hari takleh la nak catch up semue.nak nak aku tak penah ade experience. lagi satu
yang melemahkan aku,tatkala sakit perut yang memuncak dan menanti untuk di luahkan
dengan sepantas halilintar aku pegi toilet dan setelah memeriksa satu demi satu pintu toilet
dlm ladies room,keempat2 toilet tuh hanya ade toilet bowl,flush dgn tisu saje [so mcmane
aku nak membersihkan saki baki tuh..ueheheue].bukan sebab rosak ke ape tapi mmg
dorang tak sediakan.sebab adat istiadat tradisi cina tidak memerlukan itu semue [mesti bil
air tak banyak].aku pun melupakan jerla impian dan tujuan utama aku tuh.aku tahan la
sampai breaktime.masuk hari ke tiga kerja,aku ckp nak mc. [sebenarnye nak g interview
job dkt eon bank].dan aku tak dtg untuk hari2 seterusnya.aku rase mesti dorg tengah
sumpah seranah aku sebab dorg dah sediakan offer letter untuk aku tp aku bg reason tanak
sign dulu.gaji ciput,keje separuh mati,tak kira lagi upah aku kna terima sumpah seranah.
pastu aku takde kawan sbb aku break pukul 12,dorg pukul 1.so aku sengsorg. [sian aku]
so pandai2 dorang la cari pekerja yang sesuai yer..)
so skang ni aku tgh tunggu interview dr eon bank. aku harap keje tu ok dan aku leh tahan lame.aku nak carik duit ni untuk birthday si dia bulan doblas ni.mati aku!dorg semue tego and marah sebab aku benti keje.dorang suh tahan je.tapi bg aku,aku akleh keje kalau aku rase tak enjoy dgn keje tuh.sebab kalau aku tak enjoy,aku akan malas pegi keje..bile malas pegi keje,aku akan selalu ponteng keje...bile selalu ponteng keje,aku akan kene buang keje...so end up die same je...so better aku quit awal2...at least takdela nampak mcm buruk..AKU BENTI KEJE BUKAN KENE BUANG KEJE!
p/s: aku still searching for graphic job tp belum ade rezeki.tapi tadi surat dr cosmo untuk sambung degree sampai.tetibe plak nak sambung...tapi pk balik..sian bapak aku nak tanggung..so aku keje dulula...nanti aku sambung pakai duit aku sendiri...uhuhuh....surat graduation day pun dah sampai...yippieee!!akhirnya!!!! [tahniah helda..berikan tepukan gemuruh!]
pada suatu hari......
aku bersama si dia ke midveli.kiteorg jugak telah menculik si hobbit berusia 4 bulan itu untuk turut serta di dlm window shopping kiteorg.dah selesai aktiviti yang ala kadar tu,aku terus hantar si dia ke rumahnya.
di saat kekecohan kiteorg nak taruk baby seat dkt seat dpn (untuk si hobbit),sebuah kereta 'kebal' telah melalui disebelah kereta aku dan membunyikkan hon dan berhenti kire2 3 meter (aku main hentam je jarak...aku kantoi skit kira jarak ni) dibelakang keretaku.kupikirkan pintu kereta yang terkangkang luas tu mengganggu perjalanan kereta 'kebal' yang konon ala ala kereta porsche tu...baru sahaja aku nak meluahkan kata2 pujian versi kesat tiba-tiba si dia berkata..
"yang,cuba teka siapa tuh?"
"sapa?" dan terus melihat melalui cermin pandang belakang.
"zura dengan mak die.datang nak hantar kad kawin die kot" (zura tu x-gf die yang paling latest.itupun kalau aku stay dgn die sampai bile2 la.kalau tak,aku rampas title tu dr si zura tu la)
dengan kelajuan 360 km/j jantung aku berdegup and darah aku menggelegak.
si zura panggil si dia ke kerete die sbb nak bg kad dan die dah nak pegi dah lalu aku yang telah mentransform ke wajah singa betina ckp ke dia...
"u jgn mengada2 nak ke sane yer...suh die dtg sini"
die yang seperti kena pukau dari aku terus panggil si zura tu dtg ke kereta aku. yang si minah tu pulak selagi daya suh die ke kereta die pulak.ewah ewah..main tarik tali pulak.aku tarik seluar kau kang..last2 minah tu mengalah dan datang ke kereta aku.cewah si dia pun memperkenalkan aku ke dia lah..aku pun dengan wajah kepura2an tersenyum dan ckp hai lalu kami bersalaman seperti suasana di pagi raya.
mereka berborak ala kadar di luar kereta aku. si dia tak sedar agaknya aku dah mcm anjing kelaparan yang tengah tunggu kucing lalu untuk di terkam. sebenarnya aku agak tergugat sebab rupenye die 'agak' cantik jugak.chinese look.nak2 die dtg berbaju kebaya.halah halah (perkataan agak tu harus wujud bg menunjukkan aku lagi cantik dr die.mane boleh kalah.uehueheuheue)..dikala mereka berborak tuh aku dpt melihat segumpal awan wujud di atas kepala masing2 dimana terdapat imej kenangan2 silam dorang berkumandang dkt dlm awan2 tuh. dan lagi sekali darah aku menggelegak.sikit je lagi nak sepanas api neraka.bila si dia tgk muka aku yang mcm nenek kebayan tuh sidia pun faham lalu mengakhiri perbualan dorg dengan ucapan "SELAMAT PENGANTIN BARU".
aku pun ape lagi lepas tuh...pertukaran mood yang mendadakla tapi nasib baik si dia faham dan cuba memujuk aku tapi aku takdela termakan pujuk sgt.bengang tu melekat lagi.
si dia berkata "mesti mak die ckp i ni tak senonoh sebab bukan nak dtg and salam mak die"
dengan muka bengis aku membalas "yg kepoh2 nak salam buat ape...biarla mak die nak ckp ape pun..bukan u ade rugi ape pun...u nak jage hati mak die ke jage hati i skang?" aku bukan lagi seorang yang terkenal dgn sifat lemah lembut dan menghormati orang tua (yerkan jelah ).
aku tgk kad die yg ala kadar tuh pastu tgk minah tuh yang design sendiri. aku pun ambik point la...
"ala...save budgetnya buat kad sendiri.kalau cantik takpela..." busuk betul hati aku tapi mmg takde cantik mane pun.tak kemas.
tapi si dia mcm bangga2 kan pulak.
"nanti tunjuk dkt ibu kad ni...nanti kita kawen buat kad sendiri mcm ni jerlah kan"
tahap kebengangan aku pun dah berada di tahap klimaks...ape lagi....semboyan pun berbunyi lah...
"kenape?u rase cantik ke kad ni yg u nak bangga2kan?u rase dah cukup bes ke kad ni?helloooooo....tolongla....stakat ambik template image dkt illustrator paste dkt atas kad...budak darjah 3 pun leh buat" (sebenarnya maksud die suruh buat kad kawen sendiri..bukan buat kad kawen mcm minah tu punye..tapi dah bengang kan....point skit di banyak2 kan la..ueheuhe)
"laaa..yang u marah sgt ni kenape...dahlah...sorry k....i mean kad kawen kite buat sendiri...tapi xpe nanti kite tempah cantik2 ok...dah jgn marah2" (nak je aku bgtau "hello cik abang...dulu aku dah banyak buat kad kawen dengan xbf aku ler...much much better than this..." tapi aku berjaya tahan ketika perkataan tuh dah sampai di tekak.tanak panjang2kan crita.konfem gado)
dan aku pun balik dengan penuh iblis disekeliling telingaku yang menghasut aku untuk trus membengangkan diri...si hobbitla orang yang terpaksa mendengar bebelan aku sepanjang perjalanan balik...sian die sampai tertido dgr aku membebel (ke die buat2 tido sebab tanak dgr ke ...aku pun tak taula)
tapi sms2 yang die hantar dan kata2 pujukan yang die hantar telah berjaya menghalang niat2 iblis yang durjana tuh...
lets bygone be bygone....minah tu pun dah nak kawen...so selamat pengantin baru lah yer...tgkla kalau rajin dan mood aku ok,kiteorg dtg la kenduri kau tuh..uehueheuhueh...
p/s: dkt dlm kad kawen tuh die tulis "menjemput @$#* and wife ke majlis bla bla bla"..mesti die ingat si hobbit tu anak kiteorg...sbb tgk aksi2 kiteorg yang ala2 ibu bapa mithali tu...ueheuheuhe...lantak kau la labu.....
ive attended this one interview today. an admin exec position (i know its so different from the course that i studied but what to do,ive no luck in graphic job.....yet).
located in jalan p.ramlee,i went to menara TA One and the office is in 29th floor.
fill up the form and wait for the interviewer to shout out my name.
yes,its my turn.with full of confident im walking into the room.
interviewer: hi,how are u?
me: great. (dengan senyuman ala2 mesra la konon)
interviewer: have a seat..
me: thank u so much (biasela tu..bodek)
her: can i have your original i/c plz
me: ok.
her: so describe to me a bit about your background.
me: (dengan muke penuh sejuta keyakinan yg tidak ikhlas) ok.im helda.im 25 this year.i live at cheras.ive 4 siblings.i just finish my studies in computer graphic course and the graduation day will be in december.
her: ok.why u apply this position?bcoz its different from what uve studied.
me: ive attend a few graphic interviews before but i still got not luck for that job.then i notice why dont i try something different from what i want.at least it might be help me to earn more knowledge.
her: ok.can u tell me how far u want to be if u got this job?
me: as far as i could.coz ive my own vision and aim.and i wont stop until im achieve the highest level.
and so on and so on..everything's going so well and im excited coz ive answer it...quite well..uhuh..and suddenly the disaster's come.she shoot me this two question...
her: what do u think about our company?
me: well i love this company...cozzy and the environment makes me feel comfortable...err...actually what business is this company run? (dushhhh....somebody plz knock my head for being such a dumber)
her: (with a "laughing in her heart" smile) we are financial services.bla bla bla...(i didnt even care what the hell she talking about.all that i think is ive to ready to wave to this job coz it will fly away from me..deym!)
me: owh...ok...:D
and the second "die" question...
her: what do u think about financial in malaysia?
me: (double dush!!...or maybe tripple)..erm...well...its getting better now.even got a few problems,our financial is still under control.
silent..
and she was looking at me expecting for more answers...
all i have to do is....smile...
me: er...thats all..sorry ive got a mental block.heheh..(cancel the knocking...replace it with shooting me with the machine gun pls...suddenly i feel like wanna run out and jump from that 29th floor)
her: its okey..(well she's a nice person).your job is bla bla bla...start at 8.30-5.30,mon-fri..bla bla bla...any question?
me: (with a cipan's face)erm..i think..no!.. (actually yes..do i get this job??)
her: ok then.if u success in this interview,we will call u within one to two weeks from now ok?u dont mind to start anytime?
me: yeah sure.anytime.
her: ok then.its nice to meet u.
me: yeah nice to meet u too.bye
her: bye
and i walk away...slowly...
:sigh:
19/09/2007
the most unforgetable moment for my entire life...
the smses and the evening moment were the biggest mistakes u ever done..
u're hurting me by all those lies...really hurt....
u leaved me the deepest scar...u're ruin everything that ive dream of..
u let somebody took over my place even i still alive..
my frustrated to u as much as my tears that falled down cried for what uve done to me..uncountable..
what did i done wrong?a billion question marks keep haunting me every each second..
well...i take it as the most worst memory..i will give u another chance but the last chance..
and u can take this as a warning from a girl who love u "if u feel like ready to losing me,then do it again...just once and bye2"
u played with a heart who trust ur promises..
and once again u promised me...but i will take it....again....
maybe this thing will help us to learn a lot of things...
more appreciate each other...realise that we need each other...and make u more mature....hopefully...
life isnt great if we just have the best one and life isnt perfect if we dont face the worst one...its what we called experience...to share among family,friends,children,grandchildren and whoever need it..
here a list of what i hope and wish..
-u r old enuf to know what is right and what is wrong
-now is not a time to play around...its time for future life..
-think twice before u wanna do something
-think of what will happen in future not just for a present day.sometimes its good to think negatively
-be more sensitive of my feeling
-please dont break my heart once again
-please rebuild back our love but this time make sure it wont collapse again
-please bring back my smile and happiness that i used to have it one time before...i really miss that moment
-please change your car seat...im serious...
-make your promises are true for this one last time
-think of my feeling
-think of my feeling
-think of my feeling
i dont ask for more....just fullfill my hope and wish...its more than enuf..
lets pray together...
lets erase the past and start a new story...
once again...im down on my knees and begging u...please...dont hurt me again...i just cant stand it anymore...PLEASE....
for the last and final chance...
for our love...
for our future...
for our dreams...
p/s: cerita terperinci terpaksa dirahsiakan.dont bother to ask me the details bcoz i will tell u nothing...;)
SEPT 7TH,FRI,9.30 A.M
On may 2007, a diamond has born in our family. when we talk about diamond, the things that come out through our mind is valuable, precious, wonderful and sooo special. but now im talking about this little princess named nique d'yana.
Lets be more relax...
Princess kiteorang ni lahir on may 28th. and since that day kiteorang rase macam lain macam. maybe sebab dah lame tak dgr baby nangis so bile dgr baby nangis jadi gile sebab kehappyan.
skang ni dah 3 bulan lebih dah...aktiviti perkembangan minda pun semakin memberangsangkan. dan pandai naik walker, dah pandai meniarap, dah pandai nak suh bawak jalan2 bile duk umah nanges bile keluar trus bising mulut bercakap bahasa pingu pingu die tu pastu dah pandai tengok cermin n berborak dengan her own reflection,dah pandai gelak besar and lastly dah pandai tengok kartun dekat astro ceria or cartoon network.takde cartoon,tanak abiskan susu...haih budak2 zaman skrang...
yang pasti memang bes melihat seorang baby membesar di depan mata sendiri. its something that undescribable.cubelah!
*special dedication to our little princess who always cherish our day,we love u!*
30th june,sat
HAPPY 25TH BIRTHDAY DAY TO ME!!
first of all, i would like to say the biggest thank to ALLAH for giving me life,strength,happiness,sadness etc for 25 years that makes me learn about the real life.
secondly to my love for being the first person who give me the birthday wish, that beautiful GUESS watch and for the best treatment that makes me feel like im the princess of the day. I haven't celebrate my birthday for almost the whole life but you've make me feel the real birthday that i've always dream of for quite a long time. You've fullfill my wish and big thanx for that,honey. I love you so much and forever and that's gonna be the unforgetable memory for me..ever.
thirdly for my stupid sister. Lucky for u coz remember my birthday,or else that 7th august will never exist in my calendar. Im still waiting for my present. Takkan wish je kot.
fourthly for the bestest cousin ever, Chie. Eventho u're at Kedah but u're never forgot my birthday and that was more meaningful than giving a present. I just hope u'll always pray for happiness forever coz just u know the secret of my life and a good and bad things that happen to me for this 25 years. remember always,dear,my love for u will never stop even we already have our own family. Our childhood memories will always be save in my heart forever.
fifthly for ampang buddies ( din,dek wan, afiq and ati{thanx a lot for that awesome LEVI'S shirt. I really love it and i mean it. Thanx a lot for both of u} , capang a.k.a i-z {uehueheu i-z sesangat} and eja) for all the wishes. I really really appreciate it.
sixthly to Diera. Thanx alot eventho we havent meet for almost a year,but u still remember my day. And your wish really mean to me. Thanx coz still remember me.
seventhly to Fara. well u're late coz its already 1st July but its ok. At least u remember it eventho im quite dissapointed at first. Thanx again girl.
and last but not least to all malay and indo friends ( didie,kiki,aissa,sofea,angie and FFAD,Uthie,monyet,Jimmy and Boodee)who gave me wish through myspace. Thanx a billion for spend your time to send me those sweet comments. I dont ask for any present just pray for my good life in future is more than enough.
*SPECIAL THANX TO MY LOVELY PARENTS,IBU AND AYAH FOR THE WISHES. THANX A LOT FOR THE BEST CARE SINCE THE DAY I WAS BORN TILL NOW. YOUR LOVE, CARE, SACRIFICE, SPENDING MONEY ETC WILL STICK IN MY HEART AND OF COURSE I CAN'T PAY IT BACK EVEN FOR A THOUSAND YEARS BUT I KNOW GOD WILL. A LOT OF PROBLEMS YOU'VE FACE RECENTLY BUT YOU'RE NEVER GIVE UP AND ALWAYS DID SOMETHING TO CHERISH YOUR KIDS AND THAT'S REALLY TOUCHING MY HEART. IT MAKES ME THINK HOW LUCKY FOR US FOR HAVING YOU AS OUR PARENTS. NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE AROUND US SAY ABOUT YOU BUT FOR ME YOU WILL ALWAYS THE BESTEST PARENTS FOR THE WHOLE LIFE AND JUST US KNOW THAT.I PROMISE I'LL BE A GOOD DAUGHTER AND U CAN COUNT ON ME. YOU WILL BE PROUD OF ME.I PROMISE!ANYWAY CONGRATULATIONS FOR YOUR FIRST GRAND DAUGHTER. :)
* THANX A LOT TO U GUYS. IM 25TH NOW AND I HOPE I STILL CAN CELEBRATE MY 75TH BIRTHDAY SOON. YOU'VE MAKE ME FEEL LIKE 30TH JUNE IS REALLY MY DAY... MY BEAUTIFUL DAY. THANX AGAIN!
love,
helda
*shut down*
3rd april,tue,12.46 a.m
just back from mid valley.going for STOMP THE YARD movie.gosshhh....the movie was like wow! i mean its a quite simple movie but i feel like wanna dance as well and i bet everybody was like be in the scene,being part of the crowd during their competition coz not just people in the scene give their big applause but some of them in the cinema applause for the competitor a.k.a the hero as well. yes,its quite fun.suits for anybody who loves simple but fun movie.
*shut down*
23rd march,fri,4.18 pm
* drawings !! assignments !! midterm exam !!
duh!!!!!
i have to choose between nidji's show or the most boring subject,malaysian studies xam (that i have to cover from chapter 1 - 6 and dont be suprise if suddenly helda be a bit crazy or maybe she'll becoming a politician in a future..uehueheuhe..bungok)
and i'd choose be a politician a.k.a concentrate for my xam and do some revision. enjoy to fara and im sorry i cant join u. *i bet she's gonna have fun there*
okla nak baca buku...wish me best luck for tomorrow guys...
*alaaaaaaaaa nak tgk nidji!!! @!#*%@& !!!..*
*shut down*
28th feb,wed,9.54 pm
we had an argument again.he said im too control,am i? i let him hanging out with his friends, am i control him? i let him going to the gigs,am i control him? i let him meet up his friends eventho he already promised me for lunch, am i control him? yes,maybe i am..for him. his friends keep talking behind me about my "queen-control" attitude. they said since he with me,he had no time for friends,no time for lepakking, no time for anything...24/7 just with me..am i control him? i dont even care about what they think coz i thought u r in my side.i thought u know im not that type of person. i thought u know we are happy with each other. but i was wrong.im so wrong. u r just like them. and i just knew about it. u just told me so and all the things u told me just like what they said about me. gosh! now i realise im standing all alone fight for myself deny all the things...alone.
" u r just like my xgf and i hate her!"
what is that suppose to mean?
it hurts me.the statement really hurts me.and he kept saying it several times.
from now on,ill release u. u can go where ever and what ever u want.
if that could makes everything fine for u then ill do.i just can cross my finger and hope u didnt do the same thing as before again. i play with my heart and feeling.
that's love. love could change everything.
he gave me massari's song and im so in love with that song now just like im in love with him.
Real Love
Girl, girl I'm goin' outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin' outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby girl I want you to know
I'm watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about
Baby I was there all along
When you'd be doing things I would watch you
I picture you and me all alone
I'm wishing you was someone I can talk to
I gotta get you out of my head
But baby girl I gotta see you once again, again
It's real love that you don't know about
Girl, girl I'm goin' outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin' outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby girl I want you to know
I"m watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about
Every night when I would go to sleep
I couldn't stop dreaming about you
Your love has got me feeling kinda weak
I really can't see me without you
And now you're runnin' round in my head
I'm never gonna let you slip away again
It's real love that you don't know about
Every now and then when I watch you
I wish that I could tell you that I want you
If I could have the chance to talk wit cha
If I could have the chance to walk wit cha
Then I would stop holding it in
And never have to go through this again, again
It's real love that you don't know about
Girl, girl I'm goin' outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin' outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby girl I want you to know
I"m watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about
Today when I saw you alone
I knew I had to come up and approach you
Cuz girl I really gotta let you know
All about the things you made me go through
And now she lookin' at me in the eye
And now you got me hopin' I ain't dreamin' again,
Again
It's real love that you don't know about
Every now and then when I watch you
I wish that I could tell you that I want you
If I could have the chance to talk wit cha
If I could have the chance to walk wit cha
Then I would stop holding it in
And never have to go through this again, again
It's real love that you don't know about
Girl, girl I'm goin' outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin' outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby girl I want you to know
I"m watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about
You're the one that I want and no one can take
It from me
No, no, no, no, no
Even though I don't really know you
I got a lot of love I wanna show you
And you'd be right there in front of me
I can see you passin' in front of me
No, no, no
Girl I need your love
Baby I need your love
22nd feb,thus,4.20 pm
15 days to go. this coming 15 days is going to be the day of the worst memory cum a nightmare for me,obviously. i lost my only little brother on that date.
last nite, he came to my mind. his smiles,his acts,his laughs .. everything..every single thing. too much moments since the day he was born till the day he leaved us forever. i keep thinking how bad i treated him when he refused to eat,when he still awake on 5 am in the morning etc. yes...im a bad sister.. but no matter what i still love him more than myself. he's my only hero. when ive got problem,he's gonna be a listener. eventho he cant talk,he cant eat by himself,he cant go to toilet alone,all he can do was just lying on the bed,waiting for us to serve him...and just cried if the pain came over..again...he was just like a baby.. and he is our baby...a 16 years old baby..but he's a tough baby...he suffer with his pain for 16 years..still play in my mind how hard for him to carry his pain...he was not screaming...he was not yelling...just the drop of his tears from his innocent eyes shows me he's in a big suffer..i wish i could help him...but i just cant...im sorry sayang...
its been 2 years now but seems like yesterday i looked at his pale face lied and not breathing at all. my god! i feel like this world turn upside down. my tears just like refuse to stop.flowing and dropping like no end. and cant take it. i lost my only hero. i lost my only listener when i need someone to talk. i lost u!
i miss u so much, abang..i know u r in a beautiful place up there. u have no sin at all. u r an angel..u r happy with your new life now. i knew it and ill never stop pray for your happiness..i really love u so much!
*al fatihah to my late brother helmy nashreeq (23/9/89 - 9/3/05)*
*shut down*
- ga bisa ngeblog buat seketika. lagi sibuk nyiapin tugasan. sebel banget tau gak. udah ah. daaaaaaaaaa * asik deh kalau ada yang mijitin gwe. cape nih* SELAMAT MALAM MALAYSIA! -
*shut down*
18th feb,sun,8.54 p.m
SELAMAT TAHUN BARU CINA!!
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!
GONG XI FA CHAI!!
*eceh aku pulak yang semangat*
*indo mode-on*
hari libur begini seharusnya dinikmati sepuasnya *sebenarnya sih buat gwe "everyday is holiday".iya deh namanya juga anak kuliah*. gwe terjaga dari bobo yang sangat indah *tidurnya juga udah jam setengah 8 pagi* karna gwe nerima emergency call yang mengharuskan gwe ke RS buat ngelawat seseorang. gwe sebenarnya sih masih ngantuk tapi
ya deh,namanya juga anak melayu. anak melayu harus punya sikap berbudi bahasa jadi gwe terusin juga niat murni gwe tu *narsis banget sih dan buat mbak fara, maafin gwe ya ga bisa nemenin loe lunch, situasi ga begitu mengijinkan*.
hari ini gwe harus mula buka buku dan mula siapin tugasan gwe *kalau ga hari ini,gwe gak tau dekad ke brapa gwe bakal mulainnya*soalnya ntar rabu gwe harus ngumpul tugasan ini ke dosen *tapi gwe kok malas banget ya..ntar aja deh selesai nonton gangstarz..ahaks*. gwe baru dapat berita, gwe ama ade' gwe dibutuhkan oleh teman2 photographer gwe. ya apa lagi kalau bukan dijadiin model buat foto2an. tapi gwe ga bisa. soalnya gwe mau nonton jam sebelasan ntar. maaf banget dari gwe buat kalian. tapi kalau ade' gwe bisa wakilin gwe, ya udah silahkan. tapi jangan macem-macem ama dia ya. ntar gwe bakar kamera kesayangan kalian *peace*. udah ah. gwe pamit dulu. pengen nonton gangstarz sekalian makan malam. laper banget soalnya. *yeaaaaa...ghost rider...here i come*
*shut down*
17th feb,sat,... p.m
GHOST RIDER SOLD OUT!!!!....BENCINYE!!!! punyalah semangat nak pegi tengok sebab laungan orang-orang yang dah pegi tengok mengatakan best last-last full house. damn! tapi kiteorang dah beli tiket untuk esoknya. *har har har padan muka orang yang lambat beli tiket* so dah selamat lah dekat situ. and we end up our saturday nite life towards danau kota. bosan gile! tapi takpelah at least we're going out on saturday nite. actually aku dah start malas nak keluar malam minggu ni but then when i look out through my balcony and i found out like everybody going everywhere and anywhere on saturday nite, with no reason i felt jealous *what a stupid me*. sebab tu lah paksa diri jugak keluar malam minggu. nak hilangkan jeles je.uehuehuehue. *ok not funny*.
*shut down*
16th feb,fri,1.52 pm
malam tadi aku tak dapat tidur. baru je nak bukak pintu untuk masuk ke alam mimpi,aku diganggu dengan memori *memori ke?* atau lebih kepada kenangan pahit yang macam baru je jadik. aku tiba-tiba teringat akan kejadian di mana kawan makan kawan ataupun harapkan pagar,pagar makan padi. ntahlah aku tak tau perumpamaan mana yang sesuai digunakan. pokoknya kejadian di mana orang yang aku percaya dan sayang telah membuat "taik" pada keluargaku dan diriku sendiri. berkumandang di kotak fikiran aku bagaimana ia terjadi dan aku masih tertanya-tanya kenapa ia harus terjadi. itulah namanya manusia. sekuat mana pun seseorang itu,akan kalah mereka kepada sesuatu yang bernama "duit". duit semakin menguasai manusia. dan juga, ia mengajar aku banyak pekara. antaranya, tidak semestinya walaupun mempunyai pendidikan agama yang kuat,diberi didikan agama dari sekecil pokok nenas hingga ke setinggi pokok kelapa, dihantar jauh sehingga ke al-azhar, akan memberikan hasil yang baik. tidak semestinya memakai tudung bertutup litup, bergaya ala tudung wardina atau bertutup kepala ala-ala perempuan melayu terakhir, yang sering dijadikan sebagai contoh kepada golongan yang tidak bertudung, akan mempunyai keperibadian yang baik. zaman sekarang, aku rasa tidak wujud lagi garisan perbedaan antara bertudung dengan yang togel kepalanya. its all about inner. secantik manapun di luar walaupun seperti bidadari kayangan sekali pun, kalau dalamannya sebusuk bangkai, tak guna jugak. tidaklah aku maksudkan diri aku seorang dewi tapi aku masih tau buruk dan baik. walaupun tidak dihantar ke sekolah agama setiap petang, tapi pendidikan agama oleh keluargaku dan di sekolah kebangsaan dan menengah sudah cukup bagi aku menjadi seorang yang bernama manusia. tapi takpelah. mungkin kejadian itu dapat mengajar dan menyedarkan si polan. lumrah manusia. tak terkena,tak sedar. dah kena baru nak menyesal seumur hidup *itupun kalau nak menyesal*. tapi alhamdullilah aku tengok wujud penyesalan kepada si polan. baguslah. untuk masa depannya juga. sebab itulah ALLAH sentiasa membuka peluang bagi hambanya yang benar-benar menyesal.dan aku masih menerimanya sebagai seorang sahabat. sebab aku dah tanamkan dalam diri aku perkataan orang putih ini,"ill always forgive but ill never forget". dan aku sentiasa mendoakan kebahagian dan kejayaan rakan-rakan aku. almaklumla kawan-kawan aku boleh dikira pakai jari tangan jer. hehehe...aminnnnn...
aku tulis awal blog ni sebab aku takut tak sempat nak tulis malam karang. malam karang aku ada date.hehehe.pegi tengok "ghost rider". tengok preview macam best jer. oklah jumpa lagi esok.
*dont judge a book by its cover*
amaran dari kerajaan malaysia : benda di atas tidaklah dimaksudkan untuk semua. hanya segelintir aja yang begitu. tak semua orang pakai tudung itu bermasalah DAN tidak semua orang yang tak pakai tudung itu jahat.sekian.
pesanan buat fara : cepatla kawin.lepas tu aku pulak nak kawin. nanti cakap langkah bendul pulak.uehueheu
*shut down*
