when heart speaks..

anonymous

2008-06-02T23:02:00.003+08:00

hari ni....

aku dapat sebuah kotak yang berbalut ketika asyik membuat kerja di ofis.ade name aku,address office aku dgn no tepon aku.dengan penuh keraguan aku bukak.(manelah tau bom ke).
isi dalam die adelah sepasang patung cj7 yang sgt kiutnye (kaler ijau dgn pink) dgn sekuntum bunga ros tapi kelopak ros tuh candy la.aku senyum tanda terima kasih.

tapi....

aku still tak tau sape yg bagi aku sebab takde sebarang nota mahupun name pemberi disertakan...haih..benci nye...

unbelieveable...

2008-01-28T23:44:00.000+08:00

2 more weeks.....and i will step to the next level....
im still dont believe that this will happen to me....
dah besar dah aku....i taught i still sweet 17...... ^_^

to fara and diera.....jemputla datang hari tunang aku on this coming 17th...

hahhhhh???!!!!! aku dah nak bertunang????!!!!!!.....impossible!!!!

keistimewaan yang bernama perempuan

2007-11-16T20:07:00.000+08:00

kenape?

perkara yang kutakuti datang juga.seksa.sedangkan aku sering memuji kau,membanggakan kau,kagumi kau kepada orang-orang disekelilingku kerana kau tidak pernah membuat aku derita walau sedikit pun.tetapi semalam,kau membuktikan segala kata-kata pujianku kepada kau adalah sia-sia.aku malu......

semalam,kau telah menyeksa aku,menyakiti aku...kau buat aku terseksa....

seharian aku menyepikan diri..sendirian...cuba untuk menguatkan diriku,memberanikan diriku menempuh kesakitian yang maha dasyat,yang tidak kujangka kau lakukan kepadaku...

cuba untuk tersenyum...ingin menunjukkan kepada orang disekitarku bahawa aku baik-baik sahaja...aku kuat....aku gagah....dan walau sesakit mana pun kau buat kepadaku,akan aku tempuh...

dan....
ianya berjaya....

tapi.....
sekadar luarannya sahaja aku tampak bahagia,aku kelihatan seolah hari-hari biasa,tiada apa yang berlaku.....tapi hakikatnya...dalamanku hanya yang esa sahaja yang tahu...betapa aku terseksa....betapa aku merana...betapa aku meratap kesakitanku...dan semuanya disebabkan kau!!

but its fine with me....aku yakin semuanya akan kembali kepada keadaan asal...dan aku yakin....ianya cuma mengambil masa sehari sahaja untuk aku memikirkan kesakitan yang kau hadiahkan kepadaku....dan aku sudahpun memaafkan kau walaupun aku yakin kau akan lakukankan benda yang sama lagi nanti....aku yakin perkara yang sama akan terjadi lagi....

sebelum mengakhiri nukilanku...jutaan terima kasih kepada kau....terima kasih kerana menyeksa aku....aku tahu...kesakitan yang kau beri itu juga telah membantuku....

terima kasih sekali lagi wahai PERIODKU!..
terima kasih kerana telah membersihkan dan mengeluarkan darah-darah kotorku...
itulah istimewanya perempuan,sedangkan lelaki kena bekam untuk keluarkan darah kotor....uehuheuheuheuheuh....

the secret of heart

2007-11-16T02:31:00.000+08:00

kecik hati.merajuk.sedih.pendam.simpan.nangis dlm hati.kecewa.

sikit demi skit aku sedarkan diri aku yang tak sedar sedar ni.sometimes kite tak perlukan orang untuk membantu kita buat keputusan walau sedekat dan sesayang mane pun kita dkt umat manusia tu.sebab tak de orang akan pedulik keseluruhan hidup kite terutamanya benda benda yang kecik kecik kutu kucing aku.kalau yang besar besar tu dorg kenalah pedulik sbb konon konon hal kritikal,kang kalau tak pedulik kita cakap tak sayang die pulak.

dah banyak kali aku mengalami perasaan yg dkt atas tuh and kalau bole kumpul aku rase dah boleh jadi jutawan muda dah aku tapi aku tak penah penah serik.maybe sebab sikap aku yang terlalu suke share dgn orang yang aku betul2 pecaya and yang aku dah rase die part of me (sbb sebenarnya aku ni sorang yang pemendam) sampaikan bende2 remeh pun aku nak refer dkt die tapi aku je yang syok sendiri.padan muke.bodoh betul hati aku ni...nasib baik aku ni pandai skit dr hati aku.

dahla helda oi..please change for your own good.so that perasaan perasaan dkt atas tu yang kau selalu rase and tahan sampai macam nak terbelah 18 hati kau tu will gone with the wind.eceh.

takpela at least ive learn something.manusia kan kene blajar.tak blaja mcmane nak jadi pandai.minumlah milo dan membesar bagai juara!

tetibe lagu kerispatih-cinta putih jadik feveret track aku walaupun takde kene mengena pun.

Apa jadinya hati yang terbagi
Diseparuh perjalananku
Rusaklah sudah cinta putih ini
Keinginan tiada sejalan dengan kenyataan

Betapa ku pasrahkan hatiku
Betapa aku mencintaimu
Tapi apa yang kau beri untukku
Kau tukar semua dengan luka dan kesakitan (ku)

Reff:Khianati…
Sebisa dirimu mengkhianati
Karena kupastikan kelak kau mohon aku
Untuk kembali padamu lagi

cube belajar untuk fikir dan faham hati and perasaan sendiri dulu sebelum berusaha bermati-matian semata-mata untuk menjaga hati dan perasaan orang lain sedangkan orang itu kadangkala tak penah sedar apa lagi menghargai.(terer gak aku susun ayat eh.. :applause: )

interview.......againn....fuhh

2007-11-14T01:18:00.000+08:00

Date : nov 14th
Time : 2.45 pm
Location : EON Bank HQ
Position : Customer Service Exec

Doakan kejayaan aku menempuh cabaran teh tarik ni. Takan korng tanak tgk kawan2 berjaye kan kan kan..uehueheu...doakan aku tak neves,boleh jawab semue soklan die and paling penting aku suke dgn keje ni so aku boleh stay lame lame and aku boleh cpt beli keter and aku boleh kawen cepat...uahuahauhuhuah...

aminnnnnn........

kerja ke kerja?

2007-11-07T02:09:00.000+08:00

tahniah kepada aku kerana masih mengekalkan status penganggur. (jom tepuk tangan same2)..
bukanlah aku tak pernah pegi interview..penah...beside aku dah siap dtg keje dah...

antara koleksi kerja-kerja yang pernah aku lawati ;

1) ADMIN EXEC
( tapi sebenarnya seorang penjual share@currency yang dikenali sebagai forex. aku kena
datang training [1st think aku dah musykil] untuk seminggu.then die ckp kena bermusuh
dengan semue orang dlm ofis tu untuk berjaya.its like a competitor under one roof [kepala
hotaks engkoh!].aku dtg training untuk 5 hari je then lepas raya aku tak dtg untuk selama
lamanya. tapi dengar crita one of our friend dah sign contract but then right after sign
contract tuh dorg suh die cari client [which is dorg tak penah mention mase time training
tuh] and gaji hanya pada commision.minah tu pun is like tipah tertipu dan tak dtg langsung
keje tuh.dan kampeni tu keep calling her.kesian die..naseb aku dah mengambil langkah bijak
terlebih dahulu [aku ni mmg kadang2 bijak orgnye...ueheuhe]. and aku tgk skang dorg post
position lain pulak. ADMIN CONSULTANT. haih...dahla semue dlm tu ala2 baik.semuanya
bertudung and majority malay.so perhatian kepada semue pembaca2 [ade ke org baca
blog aku ni],kalau ade job vacancy from PRACTICAL SUPPORT SDN BHD,lupekan jela..)

2) ADMIN ASSISTANT
( sebenarnya lebih kepada keje receptionist di sebuah kampeni property and development
yang dimiliki oleh seorg cina berpangkat tan sri. aku mengharapkan keje admin tapi aku just
dpt keje angkat2 tepon and past dkt pekerja2 yang almost 100% berbangsa cina. dan
apabila berkerja dgn org cina, pekerja melayu akan direndahtarafkan oleh mereka [tak
semue kampeni mcm tu.harap maklum].aku selalu di marah oleh beberapa org pekerja
cina yang muke ala2 cina bukit baru naik pangkat. yelah..dieorg kenela fhm, aku baru
keje 2 hari takleh la nak catch up semue.nak nak aku tak penah ade experience. lagi satu
yang melemahkan aku,tatkala sakit perut yang memuncak dan menanti untuk di luahkan
dengan sepantas halilintar aku pegi toilet dan setelah memeriksa satu demi satu pintu toilet
dlm ladies room,keempat2 toilet tuh hanya ade toilet bowl,flush dgn tisu saje [so mcmane
aku nak membersihkan saki baki tuh..ueheheue].bukan sebab rosak ke ape tapi mmg
dorang tak sediakan.sebab adat istiadat tradisi cina tidak memerlukan itu semue [mesti bil
air tak banyak].aku pun melupakan jerla impian dan tujuan utama aku tuh.aku tahan la
sampai breaktime.masuk hari ke tiga kerja,aku ckp nak mc. [sebenarnye nak g interview
job dkt eon bank].dan aku tak dtg untuk hari2 seterusnya.aku rase mesti dorg tengah
sumpah seranah aku sebab dorg dah sediakan offer letter untuk aku tp aku bg reason tanak
sign dulu.gaji ciput,keje separuh mati,tak kira lagi upah aku kna terima sumpah seranah.
pastu aku takde kawan sbb aku break pukul 12,dorg pukul 1.so aku sengsorg. [sian aku]
so pandai2 dorang la cari pekerja yang sesuai yer..)

so skang ni aku tgh tunggu interview dr eon bank. aku harap keje tu ok dan aku leh tahan lame.aku nak carik duit ni untuk birthday si dia bulan doblas ni.mati aku!dorg semue tego and marah sebab aku benti keje.dorang suh tahan je.tapi bg aku,aku akleh keje kalau aku rase tak enjoy dgn keje tuh.sebab kalau aku tak enjoy,aku akan malas pegi keje..bile malas pegi keje,aku akan selalu ponteng keje...bile selalu ponteng keje,aku akan kene buang keje...so end up die same je...so better aku quit awal2...at least takdela nampak mcm buruk..AKU BENTI KEJE BUKAN KENE BUANG KEJE!

p/s: aku still searching for graphic job tp belum ade rezeki.tapi tadi surat dr cosmo untuk sambung degree sampai.tetibe plak nak sambung...tapi pk balik..sian bapak aku nak tanggung..so aku keje dulula...nanti aku sambung pakai duit aku sendiri...uhuhuh....surat graduation day pun dah sampai...yippieee!!akhirnya!!!! [tahniah helda..berikan tepukan gemuruh!]

tahniah ke takziah?

2007-10-26T07:14:00.000+08:00

pada suatu hari......

aku bersama si dia ke midveli.kiteorg jugak telah menculik si hobbit berusia 4 bulan itu untuk turut serta di dlm window shopping kiteorg.dah selesai aktiviti yang ala kadar tu,aku terus hantar si dia ke rumahnya.
di saat kekecohan kiteorg nak taruk baby seat dkt seat dpn (untuk si hobbit),sebuah kereta 'kebal' telah melalui disebelah kereta aku dan membunyikkan hon dan berhenti kire2 3 meter (aku main hentam je jarak...aku kantoi skit kira jarak ni) dibelakang keretaku.kupikirkan pintu kereta yang terkangkang luas tu mengganggu perjalanan kereta 'kebal' yang konon ala ala kereta porsche tu...baru sahaja aku nak meluahkan kata2 pujian versi kesat tiba-tiba si dia berkata..
"yang,cuba teka siapa tuh?"
"sapa?" dan terus melihat melalui cermin pandang belakang.
"zura dengan mak die.datang nak hantar kad kawin die kot" (zura tu x-gf die yang paling latest.itupun kalau aku stay dgn die sampai bile2 la.kalau tak,aku rampas title tu dr si zura tu la)

dengan kelajuan 360 km/j jantung aku berdegup and darah aku menggelegak.

si zura panggil si dia ke kerete die sbb nak bg kad dan die dah nak pegi dah lalu aku yang telah mentransform ke wajah singa betina ckp ke dia...

"u jgn mengada2 nak ke sane yer...suh die dtg sini"

die yang seperti kena pukau dari aku terus panggil si zura tu dtg ke kereta aku. yang si minah tu pulak selagi daya suh die ke kereta die pulak.ewah ewah..main tarik tali pulak.aku tarik seluar kau kang..last2 minah tu mengalah dan datang ke kereta aku.cewah si dia pun memperkenalkan aku ke dia lah..aku pun dengan wajah kepura2an tersenyum dan ckp hai lalu kami bersalaman seperti suasana di pagi raya.

mereka berborak ala kadar di luar kereta aku. si dia tak sedar agaknya aku dah mcm anjing kelaparan yang tengah tunggu kucing lalu untuk di terkam. sebenarnya aku agak tergugat sebab rupenye die 'agak' cantik jugak.chinese look.nak2 die dtg berbaju kebaya.halah halah (perkataan agak tu harus wujud bg menunjukkan aku lagi cantik dr die.mane boleh kalah.uehueheuheue)..dikala mereka berborak tuh aku dpt melihat segumpal awan wujud di atas kepala masing2 dimana terdapat imej kenangan2 silam dorang berkumandang dkt dlm awan2 tuh. dan lagi sekali darah aku menggelegak.sikit je lagi nak sepanas api neraka.bila si dia tgk muka aku yang mcm nenek kebayan tuh sidia pun faham lalu mengakhiri perbualan dorg dengan ucapan "SELAMAT PENGANTIN BARU".

aku pun ape lagi lepas tuh...pertukaran mood yang mendadakla tapi nasib baik si dia faham dan cuba memujuk aku tapi aku takdela termakan pujuk sgt.bengang tu melekat lagi.

si dia berkata "mesti mak die ckp i ni tak senonoh sebab bukan nak dtg and salam mak die"
dengan muka bengis aku membalas "yg kepoh2 nak salam buat ape...biarla mak die nak ckp ape pun..bukan u ade rugi ape pun...u nak jage hati mak die ke jage hati i skang?" aku bukan lagi seorang yang terkenal dgn sifat lemah lembut dan menghormati orang tua (yerkan jelah ).

aku tgk kad die yg ala kadar tuh pastu tgk minah tuh yang design sendiri. aku pun ambik point la...

"ala...save budgetnya buat kad sendiri.kalau cantik takpela..." busuk betul hati aku tapi mmg takde cantik mane pun.tak kemas.

tapi si dia mcm bangga2 kan pulak.

"nanti tunjuk dkt ibu kad ni...nanti kita kawen buat kad sendiri mcm ni jerlah kan"

tahap kebengangan aku pun dah berada di tahap klimaks...ape lagi....semboyan pun berbunyi lah...

"kenape?u rase cantik ke kad ni yg u nak bangga2kan?u rase dah cukup bes ke kad ni?helloooooo....tolongla....stakat ambik template image dkt illustrator paste dkt atas kad...budak darjah 3 pun leh buat" (sebenarnya maksud die suruh buat kad kawen sendiri..bukan buat kad kawen mcm minah tu punye..tapi dah bengang kan....point skit di banyak2 kan la..ueheuhe)

"laaa..yang u marah sgt ni kenape...dahlah...sorry k....i mean kad kawen kite buat sendiri...tapi xpe nanti kite tempah cantik2 ok...dah jgn marah2" (nak je aku bgtau "hello cik abang...dulu aku dah banyak buat kad kawen dengan xbf aku ler...much much better than this..." tapi aku berjaya tahan ketika perkataan tuh dah sampai di tekak.tanak panjang2kan crita.konfem gado)

dan aku pun balik dengan penuh iblis disekeliling telingaku yang menghasut aku untuk trus membengangkan diri...si hobbitla orang yang terpaksa mendengar bebelan aku sepanjang perjalanan balik...sian die sampai tertido dgr aku membebel (ke die buat2 tido sebab tanak dgr ke ...aku pun tak taula)

tapi sms2 yang die hantar dan kata2 pujukan yang die hantar telah berjaya menghalang niat2 iblis yang durjana tuh...

lets bygone be bygone....minah tu pun dah nak kawen...so selamat pengantin baru lah yer...tgkla kalau rajin dan mood aku ok,kiteorg dtg la kenduri kau tuh..uehueheuhueh...

p/s: dkt dlm kad kawen tuh die tulis "menjemput @$#* and wife ke majlis bla bla bla"..mesti die ingat si hobbit tu anak kiteorg...sbb tgk aksi2 kiteorg yang ala2 ibu bapa mithali tu...ueheuheuhe...lantak kau la labu.....

minalaidilwafaizin

2007-10-16T03:26:00.000+08:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI

MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN

p/s: a new hairdo a.k.a hari raya hair. thanx to encik kekasih for the hair treat.lev u.

kebodohan yang terlampau

2007-10-04T04:52:00.000+08:00

ive attended this one interview today. an admin exec position (i know its so different from the course that i studied but what to do,ive no luck in graphic job.....yet).
located in jalan p.ramlee,i went to menara TA One and the office is in 29th floor.
fill up the form and wait for the interviewer to shout out my name.
yes,its my turn.with full of confident im walking into the room.

interviewer: hi,how are u?
me: great. (dengan senyuman ala2 mesra la konon)
interviewer: have a seat..
me: thank u so much (biasela tu..bodek)
her: can i have your original i/c plz
me: ok.
her: so describe to me a bit about your background.
me: (dengan muke penuh sejuta keyakinan yg tidak ikhlas) ok.im helda.im 25 this year.i live at cheras.ive 4 siblings.i just finish my studies in computer graphic course and the graduation day will be in december.
her: ok.why u apply this position?bcoz its different from what uve studied.
me: ive attend a few graphic interviews before but i still got not luck for that job.then i notice why dont i try something different from what i want.at least it might be help me to earn more knowledge.
her: ok.can u tell me how far u want to be if u got this job?
me: as far as i could.coz ive my own vision and aim.and i wont stop until im achieve the highest level.

and so on and so on..everything's going so well and im excited coz ive answer it...quite well..uhuh..and suddenly the disaster's come.she shoot me this two question...

her: what do u think about our company?
me: well i love this company...cozzy and the environment makes me feel comfortable...err...actually what business is this company run? (dushhhh....somebody plz knock my head for being such a dumber)
her: (with a "laughing in her heart" smile) we are financial services.bla bla bla...(i didnt even care what the hell she talking about.all that i think is ive to ready to wave to this job coz it will fly away from me..deym!)
me: owh...ok...:D
and the second "die" question...
her: what do u think about financial in malaysia?
me: (double dush!!...or maybe tripple)..erm...well...its getting better now.even got a few problems,our financial is still under control.

silent..

and she was looking at me expecting for more answers...

all i have to do is....smile...

me: er...thats all..sorry ive got a mental block.heheh..(cancel the knocking...replace it with shooting me with the machine gun pls...suddenly i feel like wanna run out and jump from that 29th floor)
her: its okey..(well she's a nice person).your job is bla bla bla...start at 8.30-5.30,mon-fri..bla bla bla...any question?
me: (with a cipan's face)erm..i think..no!.. (actually yes..do i get this job??)
her: ok then.if u success in this interview,we will call u within one to two weeks from now ok?u dont mind to start anytime?
me: yeah sure.anytime.
her: ok then.its nice to meet u.
me: yeah nice to meet u too.bye
her: bye

and i walk away...slowly...
:sigh:

a hectic lovelife

2007-09-24T11:26:00.000+08:00

19/09/2007
the most unforgetable moment for my entire life...
the smses and the evening moment were the biggest mistakes u ever done..
u're hurting me by all those lies...really hurt....
u leaved me the deepest scar...u're ruin everything that ive dream of..
u let somebody took over my place even i still alive..
my frustrated to u as much as my tears that falled down cried for what uve done to me..uncountable..
what did i done wrong?a billion question marks keep haunting me every each second..
well...i take it as the most worst memory..i will give u another chance but the last chance..
and u can take this as a warning from a girl who love u "if u feel like ready to losing me,then do it again...just once and bye2"
u played with a heart who trust ur promises..
and once again u promised me...but i will take it....again....
maybe this thing will help us to learn a lot of things...
more appreciate each other...realise that we need each other...and make u more mature....hopefully...
life isnt great if we just have the best one and life isnt perfect if we dont face the worst one...its what we called experience...to share among family,friends,children,grandchildren and whoever need it..
here a list of what i hope and wish..
-u r old enuf to know what is right and what is wrong
-now is not a time to play around...its time for future life..
-think twice before u wanna do something
-think of what will happen in future not just for a present day.sometimes its good to think negatively
-be more sensitive of my feeling
-please dont break my heart once again
-please rebuild back our love but this time make sure it wont collapse again
-please bring back my smile and happiness that i used to have it one time before...i really miss that moment
-please change your car seat...im serious...
-make your promises are true for this one last time
-think of my feeling
-think of my feeling
-think of my feeling
i dont ask for more....just fullfill my hope and wish...its more than enuf..
lets pray together...
lets erase the past and start a new story...
once again...im down on my knees and begging u...please...dont hurt me again...i just cant stand it anymore...PLEASE....

for the last and final chance...
for our love...
for our future...
for our dreams...

p/s: cerita terperinci terpaksa dirahsiakan.dont bother to ask me the details bcoz i will tell u nothing...;)

a little story about a little girl

2007-09-07T09:36:00.000+08:00

SEPT 7TH,FRI,9.30 A.M

On may 2007, a diamond has born in our family. when we talk about diamond, the things that come out through our mind is valuable, precious, wonderful and sooo special. but now im talking about this little princess named nique d'yana.

Lets be more relax...

Princess kiteorang ni lahir on may 28th. and since that day kiteorang rase macam lain macam. maybe sebab dah lame tak dgr baby nangis so bile dgr baby nangis jadi gile sebab kehappyan.

Umur sebulan die dah start pandang-pandang orang. kire macam sessi berkenalan dengan orang barulah. satu habit die ni...suke pandang orang lepas tu buat muke konfius (berkerut kening dan moncongkan mulut..cube korang try buat...)

dah masuk dua bulan pulak dah pandai gelak2 bile kena agah pastu dah sibuk nak angkat kepala konon2 terer sgt la tu boleh bgn sendiri.tapi sikap malas tetap tersemat di dalam hati.

skang ni dah 3 bulan lebih dah...aktiviti perkembangan minda pun semakin memberangsangkan. dan pandai naik walker, dah pandai meniarap, dah pandai nak suh bawak jalan2 bile duk umah nanges bile keluar trus bising mulut bercakap bahasa pingu pingu die tu pastu dah pandai tengok cermin n berborak dengan her own reflection,dah pandai gelak besar and lastly dah pandai tengok kartun dekat astro ceria or cartoon network.takde cartoon,tanak abiskan susu...haih budak2 zaman skrang...

yang pasti memang bes melihat seorang baby membesar di depan mata sendiri. its something that undescribable.cubelah!

*special dedication to our little princess who always cherish our day,we love u!*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

2007-07-02T00:29:00.000+08:00

30th june,sat

HAPPY 25TH BIRTHDAY DAY TO ME!!

first of all, i would like to say the biggest thank to ALLAH for giving me life,strength,happiness,sadness etc for 25 years that makes me learn about the real life.

secondly to my love for being the first person who give me the birthday wish, that beautiful GUESS watch and for the best treatment that makes me feel like im the princess of the day. I haven't celebrate my birthday for almost the whole life but you've make me feel the real birthday that i've always dream of for quite a long time. You've fullfill my wish and big thanx for that,honey. I love you so much and forever and that's gonna be the unforgetable memory for me..ever.

thirdly for my stupid sister. Lucky for u coz remember my birthday,or else that 7th august will never exist in my calendar. Im still waiting for my present. Takkan wish je kot.

fourthly for the bestest cousin ever, Chie. Eventho u're at Kedah but u're never forgot my birthday and that was more meaningful than giving a present. I just hope u'll always pray for happiness forever coz just u know the secret of my life and a good and bad things that happen to me for this 25 years. remember always,dear,my love for u will never stop even we already have our own family. Our childhood memories will always be save in my heart forever.

fifthly for ampang buddies ( din,dek wan, afiq and ati{thanx a lot for that awesome LEVI'S shirt. I really love it and i mean it. Thanx a lot for both of u} , capang a.k.a i-z {uehueheu i-z sesangat} and eja) for all the wishes. I really really appreciate it.

sixthly to Diera. Thanx alot eventho we havent meet for almost a year,but u still remember my day. And your wish really mean to me. Thanx coz still remember me.

seventhly to Fara. well u're late coz its already 1st July but its ok. At least u remember it eventho im quite dissapointed at first. Thanx again girl.

and last but not least to all malay and indo friends ( didie,kiki,aissa,sofea,angie and FFAD,Uthie,monyet,Jimmy and Boodee)who gave me wish through myspace. Thanx a billion for spend your time to send me those sweet comments. I dont ask for any present just pray for my good life in future is more than enough.

*SPECIAL THANX TO MY LOVELY PARENTS,IBU AND AYAH FOR THE WISHES. THANX A LOT FOR THE BEST CARE SINCE THE DAY I WAS BORN TILL NOW. YOUR LOVE, CARE, SACRIFICE, SPENDING MONEY ETC WILL STICK IN MY HEART AND OF COURSE I CAN'T PAY IT BACK EVEN FOR A THOUSAND YEARS BUT I KNOW GOD WILL. A LOT OF PROBLEMS YOU'VE FACE RECENTLY BUT YOU'RE NEVER GIVE UP AND ALWAYS DID SOMETHING TO CHERISH YOUR KIDS AND THAT'S REALLY TOUCHING MY HEART. IT MAKES ME THINK HOW LUCKY FOR US FOR HAVING YOU AS OUR PARENTS. NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE AROUND US SAY ABOUT YOU BUT FOR ME YOU WILL ALWAYS THE BESTEST PARENTS FOR THE WHOLE LIFE AND JUST US KNOW THAT.I PROMISE I'LL BE A GOOD DAUGHTER AND U CAN COUNT ON ME. YOU WILL BE PROUD OF ME.I PROMISE!ANYWAY CONGRATULATIONS FOR YOUR FIRST GRAND DAUGHTER. :)

* THANX A LOT TO U GUYS. IM 25TH NOW AND I HOPE I STILL CAN CELEBRATE MY 75TH BIRTHDAY SOON. YOU'VE MAKE ME FEEL LIKE 30TH JUNE IS REALLY MY DAY... MY BEAUTIFUL DAY. THANX AGAIN!

love,
helda

*shut down*

hip hop mode

2007-04-03T00:45:00.000+08:00

3rd april,tue,12.46 a.m

just back from mid valley.going for STOMP THE YARD movie.gosshhh....the movie was like wow! i mean its a quite simple movie but i feel like wanna dance as well and i bet everybody was like be in the scene,being part of the crowd during their competition coz not just people in the scene give their big applause but some of them in the cinema applause for the competitor a.k.a the hero as well. yes,its quite fun.suits for anybody who loves simple but fun movie.

*shut down*

did i make a right decision ?

2007-03-23T16:17:00.000+08:00

23rd march,fri,4.18 pm

* drawings !! assignments !! midterm exam !!

duh!!!!!

i have to choose between nidji's show or the most boring subject,malaysian studies xam (that i have to cover from chapter 1 - 6 and dont be suprise if suddenly helda be a bit crazy or maybe she'll becoming a politician in a future..uehueheuhe..bungok)

and i'd choose be a politician a.k.a concentrate for my xam and do some revision. enjoy to fara and im sorry i cant join u. *i bet she's gonna have fun there*

okla nak baca buku...wish me best luck for tomorrow guys...

*alaaaaaaaaa nak tgk nidji!!! @!#*%@& !!!..*

*shut down*

real love

2007-02-28T21:53:00.000+08:00

28th feb,wed,9.54 pm

we had an argument again.he said im too control,am i? i let him hanging out with his friends, am i control him? i let him going to the gigs,am i control him? i let him meet up his friends eventho he already promised me for lunch, am i control him? yes,maybe i am..for him. his friends keep talking behind me about my "queen-control" attitude. they said since he with me,he had no time for friends,no time for lepakking, no time for anything...24/7 just with me..am i control him? i dont even care about what they think coz i thought u r in my side.i thought u know im not that type of person. i thought u know we are happy with each other. but i was wrong.im so wrong. u r just like them. and i just knew about it. u just told me so and all the things u told me just like what they said about me. gosh! now i realise im standing all alone fight for myself deny all the things...alone.

" u r just like my xgf and i hate her!"

what is that suppose to mean?
it hurts me.the statement really hurts me.and he kept saying it several times.

from now on,ill release u. u can go where ever and what ever u want.
if that could makes everything fine for u then ill do.i just can cross my finger and hope u didnt do the same thing as before again. i play with my heart and feeling.
that's love. love could change everything.

he gave me massari's song and im so in love with that song now just like im in love with him.

Real Love

Girl, girl I'm goin' outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin' outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby girl I want you to know
I'm watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about

Baby I was there all along
When you'd be doing things I would watch you
I picture you and me all alone
I'm wishing you was someone I can talk to
I gotta get you out of my head
But baby girl I gotta see you once again, again
It's real love that you don't know about

Girl, girl I'm goin' outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin' outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby girl I want you to know
I"m watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about

Every night when I would go to sleep
I couldn't stop dreaming about you
Your love has got me feeling kinda weak
I really can't see me without you
And now you're runnin' round in my head
I'm never gonna let you slip away again
It's real love that you don't know about

Every now and then when I watch you
I wish that I could tell you that I want you
If I could have the chance to talk wit cha
If I could have the chance to walk wit cha
Then I would stop holding it in
And never have to go through this again, again
It's real love that you don't know about

Girl, girl I'm goin' outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin' outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby girl I want you to know
I"m watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about

Today when I saw you alone
I knew I had to come up and approach you
Cuz girl I really gotta let you know
All about the things you made me go through
And now she lookin' at me in the eye
And now you got me hopin' I ain't dreamin' again,

Again
It's real love that you don't know about

Every now and then when I watch you
I wish that I could tell you that I want you
If I could have the chance to talk wit cha
If I could have the chance to walk wit cha
Then I would stop holding it in
And never have to go through this again, again
It's real love that you don't know about

Girl, girl I'm goin' outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin' outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby girl I want you to know
I"m watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about

You're the one that I want and no one can take

It from me
No, no, no, no, no
Even though I don't really know you
I got a lot of love I wanna show you
And you'd be right there in front of me
I can see you passin' in front of me
No, no, no
Girl I need your love
Baby I need your love

and at this hour he's still out there hanging out with his friends...all i have to do is calm down and calm down...and say to myself,i will get use to it...i will..hopefully...amin

and i hope he had fun with his friends and i still having my boring nite alone in front of this pc doing nothing and waiting for him to get back home and accompany me....and ill keep waiting....

*shut down*

my dear baby

2007-02-22T16:18:00.000+08:00

22nd feb,thus,4.20 pm

15 days to go. this coming 15 days is going to be the day of the worst memory cum a nightmare for me,obviously. i lost my only little brother on that date.

last nite, he came to my mind. his smiles,his acts,his laughs .. everything..every single thing. too much moments since the day he was born till the day he leaved us forever. i keep thinking how bad i treated him when he refused to eat,when he still awake on 5 am in the morning etc. yes...im a bad sister.. but no matter what i still love him more than myself. he's my only hero. when ive got problem,he's gonna be a listener. eventho he cant talk,he cant eat by himself,he cant go to toilet alone,all he can do was just lying on the bed,waiting for us to serve him...and just cried if the pain came over..again...he was just like a baby.. and he is our baby...a 16 years old baby..but he's a tough baby...he suffer with his pain for 16 years..still play in my mind how hard for him to carry his pain...he was not screaming...he was not yelling...just the drop of his tears from his innocent eyes shows me he's in a big suffer..i wish i could help him...but i just cant...im sorry sayang...

its been 2 years now but seems like yesterday i looked at his pale face lied and not breathing at all. my god! i feel like this world turn upside down. my tears just like refuse to stop.flowing and dropping like no end. and cant take it. i lost my only hero. i lost my only listener when i need someone to talk. i lost u!

i miss u so much, abang..i know u r in a beautiful place up there. u have no sin at all. u r an angel..u r happy with your new life now. i knew it and ill never stop pray for your happiness..i really love u so much!

*al fatihah to my late brother helmy nashreeq (23/9/89 - 9/3/05)*

*shut down*

attention!

2007-02-21T03:03:00.000+08:00

- ga bisa ngeblog buat seketika. lagi sibuk nyiapin tugasan. sebel banget tau gak. udah ah. daaaaaaaaaa * asik deh kalau ada yang mijitin gwe. cape nih* SELAMAT MALAM MALAYSIA! -

*shut down*

selamat tahun baru cina buat orang cina

2007-02-18T20:54:00.000+08:00

18th feb,sun,8.54 p.m

SELAMAT TAHUN BARU CINA!!

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!

GONG XI FA CHAI!!

*eceh aku pulak yang semangat*

*indo mode-on*

hari libur begini seharusnya dinikmati sepuasnya *sebenarnya sih buat gwe "everyday is holiday".iya deh namanya juga anak kuliah*. gwe terjaga dari bobo yang sangat indah *tidurnya juga udah jam setengah 8 pagi* karna gwe nerima emergency call yang mengharuskan gwe ke RS buat ngelawat seseorang. gwe sebenarnya sih masih ngantuk tapi
ya deh,namanya juga anak melayu. anak melayu harus punya sikap berbudi bahasa jadi gwe terusin juga niat murni gwe tu *narsis banget sih dan buat mbak fara, maafin gwe ya ga bisa nemenin loe lunch, situasi ga begitu mengijinkan*.

hari ini gwe harus mula buka buku dan mula siapin tugasan gwe *kalau ga hari ini,gwe gak tau dekad ke brapa gwe bakal mulainnya*soalnya ntar rabu gwe harus ngumpul tugasan ini ke dosen *tapi gwe kok malas banget ya..ntar aja deh selesai nonton gangstarz..ahaks*. gwe baru dapat berita, gwe ama ade' gwe dibutuhkan oleh teman2 photographer gwe. ya apa lagi kalau bukan dijadiin model buat foto2an. tapi gwe ga bisa. soalnya gwe mau nonton jam sebelasan ntar. maaf banget dari gwe buat kalian. tapi kalau ade' gwe bisa wakilin gwe, ya udah silahkan. tapi jangan macem-macem ama dia ya. ntar gwe bakar kamera kesayangan kalian *peace*. udah ah. gwe pamit dulu. pengen nonton gangstarz sekalian makan malam. laper banget soalnya. *yeaaaaa...ghost rider...here i come*

*shut down*

owh saturday night

2007-02-17T20:36:00.000+08:00

17th feb,sat,... p.m

GHOST RIDER SOLD OUT!!!!....BENCINYE!!!! punyalah semangat nak pegi tengok sebab laungan orang-orang yang dah pegi tengok mengatakan best last-last full house. damn! tapi kiteorang dah beli tiket untuk esoknya. *har har har padan muka orang yang lambat beli tiket* so dah selamat lah dekat situ. and we end up our saturday nite life towards danau kota. bosan gile! tapi takpelah at least we're going out on saturday nite. actually aku dah start malas nak keluar malam minggu ni but then when i look out through my balcony and i found out like everybody going everywhere and anywhere on saturday nite, with no reason i felt jealous *what a stupid me*. sebab tu lah paksa diri jugak keluar malam minggu. nak hilangkan jeles je.uehuehuehue. *ok not funny*.

*shut down*

wujudkah penyesalan dalam diri manusia?

2007-02-16T13:51:00.000+08:00

16th feb,fri,1.52 pm

malam tadi aku tak dapat tidur. baru je nak bukak pintu untuk masuk ke alam mimpi,aku diganggu dengan memori *memori ke?* atau lebih kepada kenangan pahit yang macam baru je jadik. aku tiba-tiba teringat akan kejadian di mana kawan makan kawan ataupun harapkan pagar,pagar makan padi. ntahlah aku tak tau perumpamaan mana yang sesuai digunakan. pokoknya kejadian di mana orang yang aku percaya dan sayang telah membuat "taik" pada keluargaku dan diriku sendiri. berkumandang di kotak fikiran aku bagaimana ia terjadi dan aku masih tertanya-tanya kenapa ia harus terjadi. itulah namanya manusia. sekuat mana pun seseorang itu,akan kalah mereka kepada sesuatu yang bernama "duit". duit semakin menguasai manusia. dan juga, ia mengajar aku banyak pekara. antaranya, tidak semestinya walaupun mempunyai pendidikan agama yang kuat,diberi didikan agama dari sekecil pokok nenas hingga ke setinggi pokok kelapa, dihantar jauh sehingga ke al-azhar, akan memberikan hasil yang baik. tidak semestinya memakai tudung bertutup litup, bergaya ala tudung wardina atau bertutup kepala ala-ala perempuan melayu terakhir, yang sering dijadikan sebagai contoh kepada golongan yang tidak bertudung, akan mempunyai keperibadian yang baik. zaman sekarang, aku rasa tidak wujud lagi garisan perbedaan antara bertudung dengan yang togel kepalanya. its all about inner. secantik manapun di luar walaupun seperti bidadari kayangan sekali pun, kalau dalamannya sebusuk bangkai, tak guna jugak. tidaklah aku maksudkan diri aku seorang dewi tapi aku masih tau buruk dan baik. walaupun tidak dihantar ke sekolah agama setiap petang, tapi pendidikan agama oleh keluargaku dan di sekolah kebangsaan dan menengah sudah cukup bagi aku menjadi seorang yang bernama manusia. tapi takpelah. mungkin kejadian itu dapat mengajar dan menyedarkan si polan. lumrah manusia. tak terkena,tak sedar. dah kena baru nak menyesal seumur hidup *itupun kalau nak menyesal*. tapi alhamdullilah aku tengok wujud penyesalan kepada si polan. baguslah. untuk masa depannya juga. sebab itulah ALLAH sentiasa membuka peluang bagi hambanya yang benar-benar menyesal.dan aku masih menerimanya sebagai seorang sahabat. sebab aku dah tanamkan dalam diri aku perkataan orang putih ini,"ill always forgive but ill never forget". dan aku sentiasa mendoakan kebahagian dan kejayaan rakan-rakan aku. almaklumla kawan-kawan aku boleh dikira pakai jari tangan jer. hehehe...aminnnnn...

aku tulis awal blog ni sebab aku takut tak sempat nak tulis malam karang. malam karang aku ada date.hehehe.pegi tengok "ghost rider". tengok preview macam best jer. oklah jumpa lagi esok.

*dont judge a book by its cover*

amaran dari kerajaan malaysia : benda di atas tidaklah dimaksudkan untuk semua. hanya segelintir aja yang begitu. tak semua orang pakai tudung itu bermasalah DAN tidak semua orang yang tak pakai tudung itu jahat.sekian.

pesanan buat fara : cepatla kawin.lepas tu aku pulak nak kawin. nanti cakap langkah bendul pulak.uehueheu

*shut down*

wahai khamis

2007-02-15T21:39:00.000+08:00

15th feb,thu,9.40 pm

hari ni memang takde kelas,so aku bangun lambat skit. aku mulakan hari dengan tengok tv. ueheuehue..malas gila hari ni. dia tidur rumah aku sebab die mc hari ni. tapi kiteorg agak malas untuk keluar so just spend time dekat rumah jerlah. mula-mula cuaca panas di tahap air mendidih tapi tetiba langit jadi murung lalu awan pun menangis *halah halah,puitisnya bahasa*. dalam pukul 5 petang dia pun balik rumah dia. aku pon sambung tido.ueheuehuehe. habis tu nak buat ape kan? cuaca sangat memalaskan diriku yang sudah sememangnya malas.bangun pukul 8 lebih malam di saat buletin utama tengah berkumandang dekat dlm tv *hambek ko*. aku pon bangun pastu terus mandi pastu online *bosan la pulak cerita aku hari ni*. kesimpulannya aku tak buat apa-apa hari ni. tapi aku tengah bengang ni.dia baru dapat henfon baru.henfon impian dia yang konon-konon dia cakap nak pakai sampai mati. NOKIA N80. sebok bercerita pasal henfon baru jer. aku pon agak panaskan *sambil menanam impian akan membeli hp lagi bes bila dah keje.aminnnn!!*.pastu aku pun mengsound die lalu baru dia sedar *cis aku ingat die saje kenakan aku rupenye die memang tgh taksub dengan menatang baru tuh*. tapi takdela gaduh. aku je yang bengang skit. biasalah name pun orang melayu. penuh hasad dengki.uehuehuehe.

aku dapat sms hari ni dari cousin. mengadu pasal masalah yang dicari sendiri. dia couple dengan satu mamat ni dah 2 tahun pastu baru-baru ni dia couple dengan mamat lain *dedua made in indonesia..tapi bukanlah pendatang..dieorang memang dekat indonesia* pastu dipendekkan cerita hubungan dengan lelaki yang baru ni telah diketahui oleh lelaki yang dah couple 2 tahun tu lalu lelaki yang dah couple 2 tahun tu pon mengamuk dan memutuskan hubungan.aku gelakkan jerlah dia sambil cakap dekat dia padan muka *with capital p,a,d,a,n,m,u,k and a*.pastu aku cakap dengan dia ala takyah pening-pening. kau jauh,dieorang takkan datang malaysia cari kau *ok ke nasihat aku tuh??*.takpela setiap orang ade perangai masing-masing.maybe dia macam tu sebab nak fill up diri dia dengan something yang fun sebelum kawin bulan 1 depan. whatever it is,i will always love u my dear cousin and ill always be by your side everytime u need me. sedihnya dia dah nak kawin padahal teringat lagi 10 tahun lepas kiteorang same-same tak tidur malam raya pastu buat aktiviti bodoh kiteorang,menyanyi lagu "petani turun ke sawah" sambil menari. ive got a billion sweet memories with her :( *dialah cousin aku cum bestest friend cum lover cum everything*.

her and me

her

tadi aku tengok mini konsert sejenak bersama COKELAT dekat astro prima. haih...tersangat best even just for half an hour. semua lagu-lagu yang best-best dan aku pun singalong la. tengah nyanyi-nyanyi tetiba je jadik sebak. aku pun tak tau kenapa. maybe ini masalah orang yang berjiwa sensitif kot.hehehehe. bilalah agaknya COKELAT nak buat konsert lagi dekat malaysia. *COKELAT and GIGI are among my most favourite band ever*

*shut down*

perang saudara

2007-02-14T23:11:00.000+08:00

14th feb,wed,10.59 pm

aku skip pegi kelas lagi hari ni sebab nak teman dia pegi ambik mc die *janganla marah ai*. tapi kiteorg mulakan hari dengan gaduh. deym!aku tau la dia demam,tapi janganlah ambik kesempatan. aritu masa aku demam, dia buat bolayan *lame tak gune perkataan tuh* je dekat aku. aku agak kecik hati jugaklah tapi malas nak bagitau dia takut gaduh. sebab aku tau kalau aku bagitau mesti gaduh punya. dia tak boleh terima punya. so dipendekkan cerita aku pon teman dia pegi klinik panel dia dekat ampang. tapi sebelum tu pegi bayar duit kereta dia dulu. jap lagi boleh pulak klinik tu tutup pukul 1 pm pastu bukak balik pukul 4 pm. 1st time aku tengok klinik macam tu.kiteorang pun pegi rumah kawan dia sementara nak tunggu pukul 4.and everything is settle. masa otw balik ada something yang buat kiteorang gaduh. bendanya kecik aja. *biarlah rahsia bak kata kak siti*. terus jadi gaduh. agak besar jugak la. biarlah benda tu jadi hal peribadi kami. takkan hal rumahtangga pon nak cerita dekat orang kan? tak gitu cik kiah? but semuanya dah ok. biasalah adat rumah tangga *im not married yet*. so hari ni pasal tu jerlah. ada hikmah la jugak gaduh tuh. kiteorang jadi lebih mesra *bak kata bob af*. yerlah..tak gaduh kita tak tau apa salah kita kan.*tapi sebenarnya boleh diskas elok-elok,tapi disebabkan penyakit keturunan baran yang tak dapat dikawal tuh,gaduh la*. but ill get use to it thats because i love him.oklah jumpe esok.

+HAPPY VALENTINE DAY TO ALL+

*shut down*

namaste to my new friends

2007-02-13T23:15:00.000+08:00

13th feb,tue,8.27 pm

tiba-tiba aku rasa macam nak buat blog jugak. mula-mula aku taknak sebab aku rasa macam nak ikut-ikut orang pulak. ala macam ikut trend tu tapi aku fikir-fikir balik, buat blog ni ok jugak for a group of people like me. i mean, aku ni susah nak share something...erm..almost everything dengan orang. i prefer be a listener instead of a talker. mungkin sebab tu la aku agak pendiam orangnya. but the fact is, in the deepest part of my heart ada 1001 cerita yang aku simpan. takpelah biarlah aku simpan. sometimes all those stories could give me a lot of experiences. ive learn a lot from it. so kadang kadang tak salah menjadi seorang yang kepoh dalam diam. *smile*. aku rasa biarlah statement dekat atas ni sebagai briefing serba sikit pasal diri aku.

hari ni takda apa yang menarik. as usual i skipped my advertising campaign class....again...*peace*. bukan saje nak skip tapi kalau datang 5 minit just untuk tunjuk artwork jer baik aku tido dekat rumah kan? ke macamane? aku sebenarnya baru baik demam. ni pon ade serba sedikit saki baki kahak yang tinggal. cough and flu. satu combination yang sangat hebat bagi membuatkan mangsanya mengalami stress yang maha dasyat. lagipun sejak kebelakangan ni panas gila tahap gaban. aku tengok berita dieorg cakap bakal mengalami el nino (kalau nak tau ape itu el nino,search dekat google *promote*). so 1st day of my 1st blog *takdela 1st mane pon* takde ape yang hebat nak diceritakan sebab aku tak kuar rumah langsung satu hari ni. tengokla esok kalau ade yang menarik, aku type la dalam ni.

*shut down*

memorable vacation

2006-08-08T15:31:00.000+08:00

1st august '06 , 10 a.m
-fara and i arrived lcct
-check-in
-had breakfast
-took-off to jakarta
-arrived jakarta's airport
-met up chie,linda,momok,pie and juno
-take a rest for a while

-go to railway station and take a ticket to bandung. its cost rp 75000
-start our journey to bandung at 4.30 p.m
-arrived bandung at around 8 p.m
-yurie was there waiting for us and we go to our hotel.(forgot the name of the road). the hotel cost rp150000 /nite.
-had some rest and went out for our dinner.
-back to hotel and sleep.
2nd august '06 , 11 a.m
-wait for rent car at the lobby
-the car arrived and we moved to puncak.
-it was quite a long journey because it took almost 4 hours.
-took our dinner at nasi padang restaurant. it cost rp234 000 for all.
-stop for a while at souvenir stalls and took some of pictures at the peak.

-it was a cold nite. we search for the cheapest villa to rent.
-at first the rental showed this beautiful and expensive villa. it cost rp500 000.
-we search for another one and at last we found it. it was not bad at all and it quite cheap though compare to the villa before. it just rp300 000.
-the night was sooooo cold. i have to covered up myself with 3 shirts and a blanket but it was a wonderful moment.

3rd august '06 , 10 a.m
-pack our stuff and get ready to get back to bandung.

-a few hours later we reached bandung and we checked in at the same hotel we went before.
-going out for shopping. we went to factory outlets, distros and other clothing shops. the goodies were so damn cheap. i bought some for myself,my family and friends.
-back to our hotel and yurie going back to his house.
-met up with chie's friends and going out for a supper.we ate roti bakar.
-sleep at 7 a.m
4th august '06 , 10 a.m
-woke up and get ready to check out
-start our journey to jakarta by the car that we rented before.
-stop for a while at distros for the last time shopping at bandung.
-around 7 p.m we arrived jakarta
-get some rest for a minute and going out again.
-had cheese bakso for a dinner. gosh!!...it was sooooooooo damnnnnn delicious.im start to miss it again..:(
-go to kemang (like bintang walk) and had some drink at this cafe.
-buy pirate mp3 and cds which is cost rp10000 for one. (3 mps,ten to five,la luna,tiket)
-going back at 4 a.m
5th august '06 , 9 a.m
-pack our back and get ready to leave indonesia.
-had lunch at mangga 2 shopping mall and bought indo movies. (realiti cinta dan rock and roll,mirror,jomblo,detik terakhir).
-go to airport and check in.
-leave indonesia

p/s: special thank you to shafix coz sent and take us at the airport. we owe u one bro...;)
the biggest thanx to our tourist guide from bandung to jakarta, yurie...we wait for u here.dont forget your promise to come to malaysia after lebaran..heheh...
thanx to pie too coz waited for us at jakarta's airport and sent us to railway station.
thanx to aki,dj okkey (u r cool and cute bro),juno's friend (forgot his name),chie's friends (funny guys),sis angie (kok kamu makin cantik ya..heheh),gita,cemongs and everybody in indonesia.
this trip is the bestest vacation.

( for more pictures -->http://s53.photobucket.com/albums/g50/hell_da/indonesia/)

attention!

2006-07-18T02:54:00.000+08:00

dear world,
My life being so miserable nowadays. im depressed. thats the reason im desperately need a vacation. Everything's goes tumbling down. From family matter till relationship against someone called human. Too much to think. I dont know what is wrong with me. Never got what i wish. Im not asking about spend a billion dollar towards me.I just need some attention...protection...and love...not by words..eventho u give me a thousand poems but i never feel your inner love ..it will turn to crappy thing..
To be honest,im tired and sad at the same time. U said u wanna change....erm i mean..u wanna try to change...but i can see nothing is changing..do u ever notice how much i feel so bored about my love life?..I think it dont deserve to call love life tho..because none love has added in it...
And dont blame me if suddenly i feel for someone else who care about me more...because thats what i want from u..but i never get one..u know it...u know thats what i want but u didnt take any action to fullfill my wish...and one more thing...try to take others advices...dont be so selfish...its useless...get a new life dear..life with a bright future...u r not a kid anymore...
Ive made a decision...my own decision...100 percent from me..repeat...100 percent from me...
I need a rest...give me a time to think wisely...if it doesnt goes well then im sorry...
And to everybody in here...im sorry coz i have to ignore u for a while...i dont need interuption..give me a break..i need some space...no comment will be reply..but just for a moment...ill be back soon...with a new me...
Thanx a lot for everyone who cares about me..and to my dearest bro..u rock man..;P...u gonna be my brother till forever..thats my promise...(kawen jgn lupe ajak...uuehueh)
5
4
3
2
1
-im gone-

my diary

2006-07-06T03:29:00.000+08:00

from time to time my love is getting deeper and deeper...
to him...
but he's belong to someone else...
and i just can feel that love from far...
without his notice it...
without anyone realise it...
look at his happiness is enough for me...
even its the most hurting feeling ive ever feel...
but i believe...
love someone doesnt mean u will own that someone...
and ill never stop praying for him to get the bestest life...
with her...
and from now on...
i have to avoid myself from him...
yes it is hurt...
but there's nothing else i could do...
to let go my feeling...
just if i can...
but ill try...

*wakeup helda...stop dreaming*
*face the reality of life*
*you cant have him*
*im surrender*

-big sigh-

im just a human being

2006-06-20T15:28:00.000+08:00

hey dear,ive already forgive for what u have done before.and i still hope that our friendship will long lasting.please promise us one thing...its not for us but totally for u.please change..lets bygone be bygone...concentrate with your new lifeand please please please dont do that such thing again...if u say im just like begging u,then yes i am...think of everybody who loves u..they want the best of u..so prove it to them..make them proud..i know u can..I DARE YOU ,SWEETIE!!

question mark

2006-06-02T15:58:00.000+08:00

Did i do wrong?Did i hurt your feeling?What makes you turn into that kind of decision?How bad i treat you?Why this thing happen?Why never you think before do?When is the last time I said I CAN'T when you ask for my help?Did you ever know how long i keep "that" secret just because im afraid it will ruin our relationship?Did you ever care how i tried to act like nothing happen but the truth is the big thing happen?Did u ever think why i still keep protecting you while everybody cant stop blaming you?DID YOU??NO U DIDN'T!!!NEVER!!!and im so dissapointed with you..i really do...not just me..but everybody who knows you and treat you like you are special someone..and you never realise it...never appreciate it...never care about it..never ever...its damn hurt..just if you know that...how could you... ...thanx for all those lying...thanx for all those "things"...thank u so much...u teach me a lot without u notice it...i may forgive u but im so so so sorry...i may not forget it...ask for a forgiveness from god...i know im not that good...i know ive never go for sekolah agama...but i still know the different between good and bad...u r not a kid...nor a teenager...u r an adult...in that age "that" thing shouldnt happen..be matured, friend..insaf lah...taubat lah...ALLAH maha pengampun...ive never drop a single tear for a friend...but congratulation for become the first one..
p/s: dedicated to a special friend cum a backstaber

hey me

2006-05-01T20:58:00.000+08:00

this morning,Indo's songs makes me feel like wanna write of anything...well something actually...ive learnt so much recently...so damn much...about everybody around me...from a close person to the closest one..they've teach me every single thing without they notice it..and from the bottom of my heart a zillion thank ill give to all of u..well.. i should change something about me..something that makes me feel so wasted..so not needed..or should i say im in a reserved place...find me just when really need me...im just a human being..like u...and u...and everybody in this planet..i can feel hurt,happy,dissapointed and what so ever...i dont ask for a house or a car or whatever...i just begging for an appreciation..appreciate me...if i could sacrifice of something or someone that much more valuable than u just for yourself why cant u do the same thing for me....just once....
herm...maybe its all my fault..gosh...i should follow my last few years instinct..."be selfish"..."stop thinking of other people"..."go to hell with others"...for what reason i make people happy but in other side im so hurt..so unfair for me...they never think of u,helda...never ever...if they did,this blog will never exist tonite,tomorrow or forever... ok its done guys...im so sorry if u feel like i have a minor erm...how about major changing...i never want it happen but u makes me to do so..and tomorrow ill start a new mission...concentrate with people who really appreciate u...who really love u...who notice and realise my existance...pray for my best luck...amin.....
i love u so much my king,u r the reason im strong..well..at least i use to be one..:D...your ratuhati really need your love..haaahhh....im so released..:) ..thanx GIGI ( i will always love u armand) and DEWA...im smiling again..-out-

promote birthday

2006-03-30T10:24:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: June 30

You have the type of personality that people either love or hate.You're opinionated, dramatic, intense, and very outspoken.And some people can't get enough of you - they're totally addicted.Others, well, they wish you were a little more reserved.
Your strength: Your flair
Your weakness: If you think it, you say it
Your power color: Scarlet red
Your power symbol: Inverted triangle
Your power month: March

a note from hope sandoval

2006-01-15T19:54:00.000+08:00

finally..he's back...back to the place that he has been for 3 past years...the 3 days memories are absolutely not enough for us...erm..for me i mean...coz...we are so missing him since the last time we've met...im sorry...if i did anything wrong to u...i really2 didnt mean it....and im so sorry if i feel sad ..well...i tried to hide it from u coz i want to leave u with full of happiness and joy...just if u might know....we cant stop thinking of our days...and we hope and always hope the next one and a half year will be the same as the first time we've met before...good luck with your study out there....and let your family and your past beloved bonda proud of u....(and me too..)...your new friends here will always remember you....thanx a lot for all those memorable moments and we miss you so much...:(

the memory 2006

2006-01-01T17:25:00.000+08:00

say no to polices!!!..being arrested for almost 7 hours for nothing....they're sucks,arent they??...

p/s: sorry for others who had been locked up.your friends will always be with you in good or bad.no worries.stand for your own right.

selamat pengantin baru

2005-12-16T11:52:00.000+08:00

i've got this one sms past few days..it said..."hai,still remember me??i go to your house just now but ibu said u r not at home...how are you??"..i keep looking at that unfamiliar number...and i asked my mum about that thingy....im so surprised when my mum said he's my ex-bf (not that 3 years r'ship bf)and he come just to give his wedding card....i feel like...ergh.....
and today he's here again...i was in the room when he's arrived....hahahhaa....i dont know why...but i felt so nervouse plus excited plus happy....it mix well and the result....i go out from my room and meet him....omg...to be honest....i cant descride by word how happy i see him after almost 5 years didn't meet.....we have some conversation....laughing...bla bla bla....then suddenly i looked at his wedding invitation card...gosh....i almost forgot...he;s getting married this saturday and i cant treat him like the way i treated him before....and to be honest....im quite dissapointed and sad...i still think of him sometimes.....and i feel like i miss him....we never declare a break ...we've lost contact coz he's back to his hometown and till then..no news from him....what makes me mad...he moved to kl but never come to my place and now he's come but with a reason....herm....im sorry...i just can't stop thinking of our past happy memories...he's such a nice guy...believe it or not....we've never argue and...that almost a year relationship is still be the best relationship....well...its okey..im happy if he's happy....more than enough....and obviously...it means that im not for him....
that thing makes me feel like...."go to hell with love"....i dont know why....i know i cant feel that way....past is always past and we never know our future...but i cant lie to myself...i feel frustrated...just god know how and what i feel rite now...thing will never be the same and i think i need a break....*sigh*

upside down

2005-12-11T13:47:00.000+08:00

i need a vacation...need to refresh my mind and my heart...too much hurts and pains in both of it so i have to clean it up...just if i can creat my own storyline of my life...*sigh*i'd almost get into the accident last night...so becareful...concentrate to the road and the vehicles around you while you are driving...and im sorry to myself coz busy thinking of something did by someone that makes me feel so upset or mad or dissapointed or whatever instead of thinking which way should i go and give signal when i want to turn...herm....i hope tomorrow is gonna be next year...coz ill make sure im gonna have a great vacation at least twice on my new year...desperately need it.....*big sigh*suddenly i feel like i want that someone to leave me alone..*eventhough that someone always leave me alone more than makes me feel like im someone special to him*ergh.....who cares.....just go with you own business and ill go with mine....
but i can say that im still lucky bcoz have people who appreciate me...people who realise that im exist and has feeling like others...the crazy photo session,the pillow talk,the cheese nan with tandoori thing,the few hours phone called from far,the concert stories,the nonstop conversation till i got sleep and many more....im so thankful for that..u guys are the reason i feel happy...-out-

am i??..

2005-12-10T13:07:00.000+08:00

what r u?A- You always want/love some action.B- You are always cautious when it comes to meeting new people.C- You definitely have a partier side in you.D- You have trouble tusting people.E- You are popular with all types of people.F- Fake.BG- You are very friendly and undestanding.H- You have very good personality and looks.I- Love is something you deeply believe in.J- Everyone loves you.K- You like to try new things.L- You are always smiling and making others smile.M- Success comes easily to you.N- You can be very "FUN".O- You love foreplay.P- You are very friendly and understanding.Q- You are a hypocrite.R- You are a social butterfly.S- People think you are sexy, especially your bf/gf.T- You sometimez have an attitudeU- You r hella tight.V- You are not judgemental.W- You are very broad minded.X- You never let people tell you what to do.Y- You always make every experience Great.Z- You're uber cool.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
H - You have very good personality and looks.
E- You are popular with all types of people.
L- You are always smiling and making others smile.
D- You have trouble trusting people.
A- You always want/love some action.

uahuihihihaiohdiahfijhafioahdsfpojwkpwefkpwkfepokwfok...-quit-

sigh

2005-11-22T08:24:00.000+08:00

everything's start to change bit by bit..but im just gonna be the same me..and people were never understand and will not understand me ...perhaps i should hiding quietly down here waiting for miracle happen...but is there a miracle for me??..at least once??...im so sorry for being complicated and hard to understand but trust me...i never ever want it to happen..*big sigh*...should i blame to my past time??or should i blame to myself??for what i know...the stories of my family turn me into this type of girl and sorry that stories gonna be private and confidential.....ever...no one ever understand me well...not even my family...but just only this one person who know my true color...know who is the real helda....
chieda...u know too much about me and i hope u gonna keep it as our secret till forever...honestly im so sad when i heard when u said that u want to get married soon..coz im afraid we cant share anything together again...and ill be all alone.....but i know..i cant keep u for forever...but do u still be there whenever i need u??...i hope so...coz i love u so much...*damn!!..i feel like gonna cry now*...heheh...
okey²...done for now...whatever it is...im happy with my life no matter what happen...just back off if u sick of me ..find another girl who can cheer u up,makes u happy,listen to what u said and do whatever u wish for...sorry...im not that kind of person coz im tired follow people's order but then i've never be appreciated..just wasting my fucking time...-im out-

suddenly..

2005-08-23T00:38:00.000+08:00

suddenly...my late lil brother came into my mind.....now i realise how i miss him so much....im so missing him.....just if only....we could turn back time....*deep sigh*

welcome to 23

2005-06-30T15:00:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to me...happy birthday to me...happy birthday to me...happy birthday to me....im 23 now and thank god i still alive until this ages...healthy...happy...and live among the people who loves me....nothing much i wished for my bithday just hoping that ill still alive for another year....and thank u so much to diera for being the first wisher (malay time) and teddy for being the first wisher (indo time)....hehehe...tepat tuh...even me didnt realize it...and thanx a lot to chie,fara,helza (thanx for the presents),iwan (time kasih blanje),rizal,iddie,ajoy,angah liza and zazy (malay friends) and (indo friends)santi,pie,danee,uthie,gia,aghuz,alfan,boodee,dhany,yudie, phara,usegn,junge,chabilita,eric,dear raniw,agnes,q,meizar, paula,fishfood, mamie, awien, pelle pelle,and others...(sorry if i dont remember u but a billion thanx for u guys)....mwahh....lots of love to u guys...

al-fatihah

2005-03-09T20:07:00.000+08:00

6.40 p.m,9th march 05- this day is the most unforgetable day ever in my life...its started with....today...fara has missed her work...she's suppose to go to work at 10...but she has woke up at 11.30... and fara planned to go to "this" place...so we waited for diera to go with us...to make it short...at 6 something we reached this place..then a few minutes later ive got a phone call from helza...with uncleared voice...she said something ..but i cant hear it clearly...she say it again...and this time i feel like the end of the day...her words keep haunted me.."ABANG DAH MENINGGAL!!"....without realized it...im crying....and diera sent me back while fara has to stay there....at home...all my family members were there...and once i walked into the house..i can see..a body was lying on the bed...static....not moved at all...oh my god....i cant believe....ive lost the one and only boy in my siblings....and we were like....damn!!..its hard to explain!....its hard to explain our feeling by word....and....ive spent the whole night beside him and read yassin for him.....and i feel like cant stop kissing and hugging him..coz i know..thats gonna be my last time doing that...and tomorrow is too fast for me...8.30 a.m,7th march 05- The unwanted time has come...they had bring my lil bro to masjid and get ready to cleaned up his body before kafan...and they give us to kiss him for the last time and start to pray for him....at kubur...is the hardest time for us...its hard for us to leave him in the liang lahad alone...but ALLAH loves him more...and we just can leave him...but we're happy...coz his worst time has end...and now we know he live happily up there....the end of his life story- that evening...my mom go into the bedroom to look after him coz he's not feeling well these few days..then suddenly my mum realised that he's hard to breath...actually..its always happen to him..so my mum just give him his medicine..but its getting worst....and without wait for another minute..my mum hold him and get ready to bring him to the nearby clinic...in the lift...my mum cant feel his heart beating after he take his last breath....she's panic...and she's keep calling his name...and when they reach the clinic...the doctor give the confirmation about my lil bro situation....just a few words that makes this world upside down..."die dah takde"....i cant forgive myself....i was so regret..im not with him.....by his side....in his last day of lifeeeeee!!!!!!...and seriously.....i cant forgive myself for that......im so sorry sayang......even im not with you...but my love for u wont never ever stop till the rest of my life......and thats the promise.....i really...really...love you....and i cant stop crying every single night coz im too missing u....i really..reallyyy...reallyyyy missing u sayang.....so much.....so damn much!!!!.......for your information...my lil bro,helmy nashreeq is 16 years old now....but...he has heart problem...so he cant walk...he cant talk....he cant eat by himself...he cant do anything....even in that age..he still wearing pampers....coz his life is totally like a lil baby.....but we dont mind...we never tired taking care of him....and for us..he's like a diamond among the rocks....he's special....too special for us....and maybe that's the reason hard for us to forget about him......and abang....i just want to say...WE ALL LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND MORE THAN OUR LIFE!!..YOU ARE SOMETHING FOR US....AND OUR LOVE FOR U WILL BE LONG LASTING.....HOPE TO MEET U IN THE OTHER LIFE SAYANG!!...I LOVE U SO DAMN MUCH!! AND IM MISSING U ALOT.....SO MUCH!!! *better quit now coz tears is everywhere...damn!**thanx a lot for everybody who has participated...may ALLAH bless u....and special thanx to diera,fara,wan and rizal coz always be by myside when im really really down....from start till end....and to those who sent the takziah wishes with the lovely words....thank u so much.....and just one last favour from me...please send al fatihah and yassin to my lovely lil bro,helmy nashreeq....thanx a lot....*

emotional nite

2005-01-06T02:12:00.000+08:00

dear world...i dont know what has happen to me tonite.....i feel so lonely....so sad......so confuse......i feel like missing someone....someone who even me dont know who the hell he is....i just feel that......maybe coz of my girlfriends(fara and diera) not around with me these few days.....yeah but its okey.....at least they do respect my exam time.....but seriously.....i cant continue each of my day without both of them with me.....just we know how to cheer up our loneliness....hmm....the thing here is.....tonight is my sadness night.....dont ask me why coz i cant give u the answer.......fuck!!...i hate this situation and ill try to runaway from this......but more far i run....more close it follow me......when this fucking thing gonna be end.....im tired......tired feel miss...tired feel lonely......tired of everything.......damn fucking tired!!.....give me some space ......space for 3 of us to be what we want.....to go where we like.....to do what we wish for.....coz nothing else we can do......to stop those sadness and loneliness from following us...beside being together.....and have fun.....just 3 of us!!......p/s:MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS,GIRLS!!

f word

2004-12-15T18:13:00.000+08:00

TODAY IS OUR FUCKING DAY!!....TO DIERA,TO FARA AND TO ME!!...I CANT SAY NOTHING EXCEPT FUCK!!..THANX FOR THE FUCKING GREAT DAY!!...DONT WORRY GIRLS...WE STILL HAVE EACH OTHER NO MATTER WHAT...WE BELONG TOGETHER...FUCK TO THOSE GUYS...DAMN!!!!!!!!....IM SO FUCKING DISSAPOINTED+REGRET+FRUSTRATED=FUCK!!...I LOVE U GIRLS...SERIOUSLY...WE STILL HAVE A GREAT TIME TODAY EVENTHOUGH WE KNOW WE ARE LYING OUR TRUE FEELING TO EACH OTHER...MISS U GIRLS..!!...LASTLY ..FUCK!!

welcome to our world

2004-12-15T04:16:00.000+08:00

last night is our night...ive promise with fara to renew our id card today...and because of we have to go there a bit early..fara decided to overnight at my home....she said she will come after work..around 11 pm...and before that diera called me and asked me to go to her house...open house she said..but dont u think she's crazy...ive never been to any open house that being held on monday....uhuhau...then...fara pon sampai...and suddenly fara said..."helda..nanti kite tangkap gambar banyak2 ..biar diera jeles"...and guess what..a few minutes later...diera sampai...uaahuahua...and as usual...when we've being together..the first thing we'll do...TAKING PICT...

minal aidil wafaizin

2004-11-17T22:43:00.000+08:00

today is the day..the day when all muslim celebrate after struggled for a month...fasting month(not all of them actually)...uahahua..whatever it is...i felt so damn happy coz i did it..i didnt broke my fasting for this year...yeaaaa...as usually..i will celebrate hari raya at my aunt's house in section 2 shah alam coz my grandma was there...stayed with their family...and as the yearly agenda...family gathering..salam2..maaf2...nangis2...and the most cant wait moment...duit rayaaaaaaaa!!!...but this year i just got a bit..not like what ive expected (the value is secret..uhauha)...actually...not much special event happened..so malaslah nak cerite panjang2...u can imagine your owh story...and the most memorable moment for chie and me is...we've been reload our credit for about rm90 in 3 days...uhauhaua...phone called with cowok2 ganteng..uauhau...its okey...duit raya...uhauha...okey...better i quit now

the worst day

2004-10-24T13:00:00.000+08:00

i dont know whats wrong with me today...it started with..last nite..i cant sleep because i have to finish the proposal for my animation assignment...eventhough it had finish it at 5 something in the morning but i still cant get to sleep or else i will "ponteng" my class ...again..hehhe..so i've prepare to go to my college and for the first time...ive become the first student who reach the class...nobody was there...damn!!i feel like going to sleep waiting for the lect...then...the next class..i think i will having a sweet dream in that class if im not control myself..its feel like flying in the air...ngantuk gilerr....its done..and i did it successfully..hehhe..but its not finished yet...i have to wait for another class on2.30...omg...ok..make it short...we finished the last class a bit early..but i still have to wait for my lect to submit my work...can u imagine..we finished the class at 3 something and the lect do come on 5...at last ive done it...but another obstacle...ive already promise with my couzin to met her at klcc after classes...and as usually ive went there by star and change it to putra at masjid jamek...when im arrived klcc...i just realised something...damn!! my discman has left behind..i leaved i at the printing shop at my college during wanna print out my work..shit!!..ive got nothing to do except turn back to my college..i have to take putra again and change to star at masjid jamek..and because of too worried about it..i took a wrong way of train...actually ive to took it from the other side...what??..ive to change the train at the next station...and i have to crawl the stupid jejantas...with the rainy day and at the same time it happen during the after office hour and everybody like hungry tiger...cant be patient at all...hellow..org lain pun puase gak...keep pushing and eveything..damn!! hate that kind of situation..thank god..the chienese girl kept it for me..thanx girl..or else i will die there tiredly...at last..everything going well again..ive reached the klcc food court puntuaclly...and ive reached home around 10...change my shirt and sleeeepp.....and woke up at2 ...cehcking my email and chatting with my friend a.k.a midnite friend from mmu..hehhe..u know who u are friend..;P...thats all..*quit*

2 days life without mr pc

2004-10-10T04:08:00.000+08:00

im back guys...now i realize i really cant live without my pc (but i can live without man..i knew it)...there's something wrong with my baby...i have to format it back and ive lost all my stuff in it..my artwork,my assignment,my download thingy,my songs etc..2 past days make me feel so damn bored..i can do nothing..just look at my monitor..can u imagine how preassure i am..just looked at the monitor without doing anything...and that 2 past days too has change me the normal human life back..i slept at 12 a.m and woke up at 10 a.m..but now...the "normal" time for me is coming back..hehehhe..goodbye to 12 a.m and 10 a.m and welcome back to 5 a.m and 12 p.m..heheh..what a useless anak dara rite..heheh..tak boleh buat bini..so just leave me alone in my own world..im so damn happy with my beautiful,lonely world..and for those who have send me the messegers and comments..im so sorry for the late reply and approval...but ive done it already..and for those who dont believe me..please do ..because im telling the truth here..i have no reason to lie..but if u still on your own decision..ive got nothing to say..till then...just remember buddy...fill up your time with the memorable moment while its still there because it will become useless when it has gone away..*quit*

what is wrong with love

2004-10-01T21:59:00.000+08:00

Isn't love wonderful?? Isn't love beautiful?? Isn't love can make people being greatful?? yes it is...but not for me..im not belonging to lover..i can't give a perfect feeling of love..im just a girl who lose of something call LOVE..i know...its all my fault..i know...i cant always get what i need...and i deserve it..i have nothing now...i do try to enjoy my lifetime...i do try to busy my empty life...yes i do..but i know...i can lie to you but i cant lie to myself..the impact and the effect of love is so damn hard...so please take away the feel of love from me coz im sorry i cant reply that love perfectly..i just cant..and just one thing i always remaind...i will love myself more and more till the rest of mylife time..coz just myself know what i want..what i need..and how to appreciate the love that i gave...and it will going long lasting..forever...and all that i have now just the emptyness,loveless,loneliness and heartless.....and just god know when it will arrive the end of the road.....*quit*

a great vacation

2004-09-04T22:55:00.000+08:00

27/9/04,6.00 a.m- cant wait to go to bandung..in the erl station nearby and waiting for the train for about half an hour to klia..damn the train was so late...hehhe..actually im the one who cant wait...theres nothing wrong with the train..heheehwe arrive in bandung after 2 hours in flight..we were welcome with open hand..special treatment from my step's mom family..thanx a lot...and the first time i riding the angkot (a famous public transportaion in indonesia)..damn fun!!!hope will ride it again...
28/9-29/9-just some shopping activity
30/9,10 a.m=we moved to nearby hotel..damn its so fun..coz just my sis and me stay there..here some stupid photoshot from us in the hotel room..
31/9/04-we went to safari park..all the animals are so damn tame..even they come to our car and like wanna kiss us...heheh...so cute...some of the visitors gave them foods but its suppose to be illegal..no outside food is allowed..and ive falling in love with someone there and ive took the picture with him...wanna see it??...hehe my beloved bf..hes cute rite.. my cute baby tiger...
1/9/04-last day we're here..and took some photo with the maids..they so kind eventhough have a bit comunication problem..but its ok...thanx a lot bik oneng and bik yuyun..we will come back again some day...and today is the wonderful time ever..and cant even forget it...for me..this day is the most special day since i be in bandung ..just some of them know why...hehhehe..thanx a lot for "that people" coz make that day such a great day before we back to malaysia..
2/9/04-leave bandung and back to malaysia...it was a great memories ever...and i promise..i will be in bandung again some other time...thanx a lot bandung ppl...

we miss you

2004-08-14T11:06:00.000+08:00

today..my cute step lil brother has flown to indonesia,his hometown...he's going to meet his grandma,aunties and uncles...i was.. or can i say.. we were so damn sad coz he has bring us the light of life in our family..eventhough he just a stepbro..he will be there for about a month or more(hopefully less than that)..it havent reached a day yet but we've already miss him a lot...we miss his smile..we miss his cute laugh..we miss his wonderful word "yeaaa..(sambil tepuk tgn)..mama and papa and those cute little words from one year old boy..we miss the way we struggle to search for the iklan coz he luv iklan..we miss his cute dance(goyang-goyang pinggang)..we miss everything about him...we just hope he will miss us too...and to alif hakimi...we luv u so much,cayang..and we cant wait to see you back...*muahhh* from all of us here..

kasihan deh loe

2004-08-09T02:10:00.000+08:00

today is the worst birthday party ever for my lil sister...today she's become 13 years old and for about a week before she has plan for her birthday party and invited her school friends to come..in other reason is to get more presents..hehehe..but we just can planned and ALLAH will decide it..the memorable day has come..and the sweet memory has change to so fucking shit memory..hehee(as she said)..hehe..we have woke up a bit early..my mum has cook mee and masak lemak cili padi ayam for the guests...and my dad has buy 15 packet of kfcs and blackforest cake from secret recipe(i hate cake)and also to welcome the guests..but the day has turn upside down...none of them has come...with some fucking unacceptable reasons...she's so sad..with just only one present from my dad,we celebrate her birthday party with just among us..i mean only my family....so we have to finish the kfcs,mee goreng,masak lemak cili padi ayam and cake all by ourselves..owh im so damn full..sampai takleh makan dah...so thats all for now...for all readers pls wish happy belated birthday to her (loveless emotion with the black cat as a default pic)...till then.. see ya...bye..

a day in hospital..

2004-07-30T17:27:00.000+08:00

today i've visited my grandma in SMC..she was in the good condition..thank god and i hope she will be fine for another year..actually she is a though woman and it's all came from the support of her children and luvly grandchilds..muahmuahmuah..she has been treated so damn great from the hospital staff;doctors and nurses and even the food deliver.. it makes me thinking..why goverment hospitals cant treat their patients like the private one..is it all about the MONEY??they have to pay more for the special treatment and great services and for those who got less,have to accept all those kind of caci maki...wat is wrong wif people nowadays..hmm..i think some of u know the answer...whatever it is my grandma looks so damn happy in the hospital from the non stop visitors..and just now the doctor said if she show the improvement and getting better..then.. say bye to the hospital and welcome to home..grandma..we will pray for you..till then...daaa..